Aria da Capo | Page 2

you
like to be An actress, Columbine?--I am become Your manager.
COLUMBINE: Why, Pierrot, I can't act.
PIERROT: Can't act! Can't act! La, listen to the woman! What's that to
do with the price of furs?--You're blonde, Are you not?--you have no
education, have you?-- Can't act! You underrate yourself, my dear!
COLUMBINE: Yes, I suppose I do.
PIERROT: As for the rest, I'll teach you how to cry, and how to die,
And other little tricks; and the house will love you. You'll be a star by
five o'clock . . . that is, If you will let me pay for your apartment.
COLUMBINE: Let you?--well, that's a good one! Ha! Ha! Ha! But
why?
PIERROT: But why?--well, as to that, my dear, I cannot say. It's just a
matter of form.
COLUMBINE: Pierrot, I'm getting tired of caviar And peacocks' livers.
Isn't there something else That people eat?--some humble vegetable,
That grows in the ground?
PIERROT: Well, there are mushrooms.
COLUMBINE: Mushrooms! That's so! I had forgotten . . .
mushrooms . . . mushrooms. . . . I cannot live with . . . How do you like
this gown?
PIERROT: Not much. I'm tired of gowns that have the waist-line About
the waist, and the hem around the bottom,-- And women with their
breasts in front of them!-- Zut and ehe! Where does one go from here!
COLUMBINE: Here's a persimmon, love. You always liked them.
PIERROT: I am become a critic; there is nothing I can enjoy. . . .
However, set it aside; I'll eat it between meals.
COLUMBINE: Pierrot, do you know, Sometimes I think you're making
fun of me.
PIERROT: My love, by yon black moon, you wrong us both.
COLUMBINE: There isn't a sign of a moon, Pierrot.
PIERROT: Of course not. There never was. "Moon's" just a word to
swear by. "Mutton!"--now _there's_ a thing you can lay the hands on,
And set the tooth in! Listen, Columbine: I always lied about the moon
and you. Food is my only lust.

COLUMBINE: Well, eat it, then, For Heaven's sake, and stop your
silly noise! I haven't heard the clock tick for an hour.
PIERROT: It's ticking all the same. If you were a fly, You would be
dead by now. And if I were a parrot, I could be talking for a thousand
years!
[Enter COTHURNUS.]
PIERROT: Hello, what's this, for God's sake?-- What's the matter? Say,
whadda you mean?--get off the stage, my friend, And pinch
yourself,--you're walking in your sleep!
COTHURNUS: I never sleep.
PIERROT: Well, anyhow, clear out. You don't belong on here. Wait for
your own scene! Whadda you think this is,--a dress-rehearsal?
COTHURNUS: Sir, I am tired of waiting. I will wait No longer.
PIERROT: Well, but whadda you going to do? The scene is set for me!
COTHURNUS: True, sir; yet I Can play the scene.
PIERROT: Your scene is down for later!
COTHURNUS: That, too, is true, sir; but I play it now.
PIERROT: Oh, very well!--Anyway, I am tired Of black and white. At
least, I think I am.
[Exit COLUMBINE.]
Yes, I am sure I am. I know what I'll do!-- I'll go and strum the moon,
that's what I'll do. . . . Unless, perhaps . . . you never can tell . . . I may
be, You know, tired of the moon. Well, anyway, I'll go find
Columbine. . . . And when I find her, I will address her thus: "Ehe,
Pierrette!"-- There's something in that.
[Exit PIERROT.]
COTHURNUS: You, Thyrsis! Corydon! Where are you?
THYRSIS: [Off stage.] Sir, we are in our dressing-room!
COTHURNUS: Come out and do the scene.
CORYDON: [Off stage.] You are mocking us!-- The scene is down for
later.
COTHURNUS: That is true; But we will play it now. I am the scene.
[Seats himself on high place in back of stage.]
[Enter CORYDON and THYRSIS.]
CORYDON: Sir, we are counting on this little hour. We said, "Here is
an hour,--in which to think A mighty thought, and sing a trifling song,
And look at nothing."--And, behold! the hour, Even as we spoke, was

over, and the act begun, Under our feet!
THYRSIS: Sir, we are not in the fancy To play the play. We had
thought to play it later.
CORYDON: Besides, this is the setting for a farce. Our scene requires
a wall; we cannot build A wall of tissue-paper!
THYRSIS: We cannot act A tragedy with comic properties!
COTHURNUS: Try it and see. I think you'll find you can. One wall is
like another. And regarding The matter of your insufficient mood, The
important thing is that you speak the lines, And make the gestures.
Wherefore I shall remain Throughout, and hold the prompt-book. Are
you ready?
CORYDON-THYRSIS: [Sorrowfully.] Sir, we