Annajanska, the Bolshevik Empress | Page 5

of a madman: today they are the
commonplaces of the gutter press. I live now for three objects only: to
defeat the enemy, to restore the Panjandrum, and to hang my solicitor.
SCHNEIDEKIND. Be careful, sir: these are dangerous views to utter
nowadays. What if I were to betray you?
STRAMMFEST. What!
SCHNEIDEKIND. I won't, of course: my own father goes on just like
that; but suppose I did?
STRAMMFEST [chuckling]. I should accuse you of treason to the
Revolution, my lad; and they would immediately shoot you, unless you
cried and asked to see your mother before you died, when they would
probably change their minds and make you a brigadier. Enough. [He
rises and expands his chest.] I feel the better for letting myself go. To
business. [He takes up a telegram: opens it: and is thunderstruck by its
contents.] Great heaven! [He collapses into his chair. This is the worst
blow of all.
SCHNEIDEKIND. What has happened? Are we beaten?
STRAMMFEST. Man, do you think that a mere defeat could strike me
down as this news does: I, who have been defeated thirteen times since
the war began? O, my master, my master, my Panjandrum! [he is
convulsed with sobs.]
SCHNEIDEKIND. They have killed him?
STRAMMFEST. A dagger has been struck through his heart--
SCHNEIDEKIND. Good God!
STRAMMFEST. --and through mine, through mine.

SCHNEIDEKIND [relieved]. Oh, a metaphorical dagger! I thought you
meant a real one. What has happened?
STRAMMFEST. His daughter the Grand Duchess Annajanska, she
whom the Panjandrina loved beyond all her other children, has--has--
[he cannot finish.]
SCHNEIDEKIND. Committed suicide?
STRAMMFEST. No. Better if she had. Oh, far far better.
SCHNEIDEKIND [in hushed tones]. Left the Church?
STRAMMFEST [shocked]. Certainly not. Do not blaspheme, young
man.
SCHNEIDEKIND. Asked for the vote?
STRAMMFEST. I would have given it to her with both hands to save
her from this.
SCHNEIDEKIND. Save her from what? Dash it, sir, out with it.
STRAMMFEST. She has joined the Revolution.
SCHNEIDEKIND. But so have you, sir. We've all joined the
Revolution. She doesn't mean it any more than we do.
STRAMMFEST. Heaven grant you may be right! But that is not the
worst. She had eloped with a young officer. Eloped, Schneidekind,
eloped!
SCHNEIDEKIND [not particularly impressed]. Yes, Sir.
STRAMMFEST. Annajanska, the beautiful, the innocent, my master's
daughter! [He buries his face in his hands.]
The telephone rings.
SCHNEIDEKIND [taking the receiver]. Yes: G.H.Q. Yes...Don't bawl:
I'm not a general. Who is it speaking?...Why didn't you say so? don't
you know your duty? Next time you will lose your stripe...Oh, they've
made you a colonel, have they? Well, they've made me a field-marshal:
now what have you to say?...Look here: what did you ring up for? I
can't spend the day here listening to your cheek...What! the Grand
Duchess [Strammfest starts.] Where did you catch her?
STRAMMFEST [snatching the telephone and listening for the answer].
Speak louder, will you: I am a General I know that, you dolt. Have you
captured the officer that was with her?... Damnation! You shall answer
for this: you let him go: he bribed you. You must have seen him: the
fellow is in the full dress court uniform of the Panderobajensky Hussars.
I give you twelve hours to catch him or...what's that you say about the

devil? Are you swearing at me, you...Thousand thunders! [To
Schneidekind.] The swine says that the Grand Duchess is a devil
incarnate. [Into the telephone.] Filthy traitor: is that the way you dare
speak of the daughter of our anointed Panjandrum? I'll--
SCHNEIDEKIND [pulling the telephone from his lips]. Take care, sir.
STRAMMFEST. I won't take care: I'll have him shot. Let go that
telephone.
SCHNEIDEKIND. But for her own sake, sir--
STRAMMFEST. Eh?--
SCHNEIDEKIND. For her own sake they had better send her here. She
will be safe in your hands.
STRAMMFEST [yielding the receiver]. You are right. Be civil to him.
I should choke [he sits down].
SCHNEIDEKIND [into the telephone]. Hullo. Never mind all that: it's
only a fellow here who has been fooling with the telephone. I had to
leave the room for a moment. Wash out: and send the girl along. We'll
jolly soon teach her to behave herself here...Oh, you've sent her already.
Then why the devil didn't you say so, you--[he hangs up the telephone
angrily]. Just fancy: they started her off this morning: and all this is
because the fellow likes to get on the telephone and hear himself talk
now that he is a colonel. [The telephone rings again. He snatches the
receiver furiously.] What's the matter now?...[To the General.] It's our
own people downstairs. [Into the receiver.] Here! do you suppose I've
nothing else to do than to hang on to the telephone all day?...What's
that? Not men enough to hold