An Englishwomans Love-Letters | Page 5

so much, so much! All this is useless to
say, yet what can I say else, if I have to begin saying anything?
Could I truly be your "star and goddess," as you call me, Beloved, I
would do you the service of Thetis at least (who did it for a greater than
herself)--
"Bid Heaven and Earth combine their charms, And round you early,
round you late, Briareus fold his hundred arms To guard you from your
single fate."
But I haven't got power over an eight-armed octopus even: so am
merely a very helpless loving nonentity which merges itself most
happily in you, and begs to be lifted to no pedestal at all, at all.
If you love me in a manner that is at all possible, you will see that
"goddess" does not suit me. "Star" I would I were now, with a wide eye
to carry my looks to you over this horizon which keeps you invisible.
Choose one, if you will, dearest, and call it mine: and to me it shall be
yours: so that when we are apart and the stars come out, our eyes may
meet up at the same point in the heavens, and be "keeping company"
for us among the celestial bodies--with their permission: for I have too
lively a sense of their beauty not to be a little superstitious about them.
Have you not felt for yourself a sort of physiognomy in the

constellations,--most of them seeming benevolent and full of kind
regards:--but not all? I am always glad when the Great Bear goes away
from my window, fine beast though he is: he seems to growl at me! No
doubt it is largely a question of names; and what's in a name? In yours,
Beloved, when I speak it, more than I can compass!

LETTER VI.
Beloved: I have been trusting to fate, while keeping silence, that
something from you was to come to-day and make me specially happy.
And it has: bless you abundantly! You have undone and got round all I
said about "jewelry," though this is nothing of the sort, but a shrine: so
my word remains. I have it with me now, safe hidden, only now and
then it comes out to have a look at me,--smiles and goes back again.
Dearest, you must feel how I thank you, for I cannot say it: body and
soul I grow too much blessed with all that you have given me, both
visibly and invisibly, and always perfectly.
And as for the day: I have been thinking you the most uncurious of men,
because you had not asked: and supposed it was too early days yet for
you to remember that I had ever been born. To-day is my birthday! you
said nothing, so I said nothing; and yet this has come: I trusted my star
to show its sweet influences in its own way. Or, after all, did you know,
and had you asked anyone but me? Yet had you known, you would
have wished me the "happy returns" which among all your dear words
to me you do not. So I take it that the motion comes straight to you
from heaven; and, in the event, you will pardon me for having been still
secretive and shy in not telling what you did not inquire after. Yours, I
knew, dear, quite long ago, so had no need to ask you for it. And it is
six months before you will be in the same year with me again, and give
to twenty-two all the companionable sweetness that twenty-one has
been having.
Many happy returns of my birthday to you, dearest! That is all that my
birthdays are for. Have you been happy to-day, I wonder? and am
wondering also whether this evening we shall see you walking quietly

in and making everything into perfection that has been trembling just
on the verge of it all day long.
One drawback of my feast is that I have to write short to you; for there
are other correspondents who on this occasion look for quick answers,
and not all of them to be answered in an offhand way. Except you, it is
the coziest whom I keep waiting; but elders have a way with
them--even kind ones: and when they condescend to write upon an
anniversary, we have to skip to attention or be in their bad books at
once.
So with the sun still a long way out of bed, I have to tuck up these
sheets for you, as if the good of the day had already been sufficient
unto itself and its full tale had been told. Good-night. It is so hard to
take my hands off writing to you, and worry on at the