Alonzo Fitz | Page 9

to think I had come to
imagine I was loving this beguiling, this truthless, this treacherous
monster! Oh, he shall repent his villainy!"
Let us now draw this history to a close, for little more needs to be told.
On the 2d of the ensuing April, the Honolulu Advertiser contained this
notice:
MARRIED.--In this city, by telephone, yesterday morning,--at eight
o'clock, by Rev. Nathan Hays, assisted by Rev. Nathaniel Davis, of
New York, Mr. Alonzo Fitz Clarence, of Eastport, Maine, U. S., and
Miss Rosannah Ethelton, of Portland, Oregon, U. S. Mrs. Susan
Howland, of San Francisco, a friend of the bride, was present, she

being the guest of the Rev. Mr. Hays and wife, uncle and aunt of the
bride. Mr. Sidney Algernon Burley, of San Francisco, was also present
but did not remain till the conclusion of the marriage service. Captain
Hawthorne's beautiful yacht, tastefully decorated, was in waiting, and
the happy bride and her friends immediately departed on a bridal trip to
Lahaina and Haleakala.
The New York papers of the same date contained this notice:
MARRIED.--In this city, yesterday, by telephone, at half-past two in
the morning, by Rev. Nathaniel Davis, assisted by Rev. Nathan Hays,
of Honolulu, Mr. Alonzo Fitz Clarence, of Eastport, Maine, and Miss
Rosannah Ethelton, of Portland, Oregon. The parents and several
friends of the bridegroom were present, and enjoyed a sumptuous
breakfast and much festivity until nearly sunrise, and then departed on
a bridal trip to the Aquarium, the bridegroom's state of health not
admitting of a more extended journey.
Toward the close of that memorable day Mr. and Mrs. Alonzo Fitz
Clarence were buried in sweet converse concerning the pleasures of
their several bridal tours, when suddenly the young wife exclaimed:
"Oh, Lonny, I forgot! I did what I said I would."
"Did you, dear?"
"Indeed, I did. I made him the April fool! And I told him so, too! Ah, it
was a charming surprise! There he stood, sweltering in a black
dress-suit, with the mercury leaking out of the top of the thermometer,
waiting to be married. You should have seen the look he gave when I
whispered it in his ear. Ah, his wickedness cost me many a heartache
and many a tear, but the score was all squared up, then. So the vengeful
feeling went right out of my heart, and I begged him to stay, and said I
forgave him everything. But he wouldn't. He said he would live to be
avenged; said he would make our lives a curse to us. But he can't, can
he, dear?"
"Never in this world, my Rosannah!"

Aunt Susan, the Oregonian grandmother, and the young couple and
their Eastport parents, are all happy at this writing, and likely to remain
so. Aunt Susan brought the bride from the islands, accompanied her
across our continent, and had the happiness of witnessing the rapturous
meeting between an adoring husband and wife who had never seen
each other until that moment.
A word about the wretched Burley, whose wicked machinations came
so near wrecking the hearts and lives of our poor young friends, will be
sufficient. In a murderous attempt to seize a crippled and helpless
artisan who he fancied had done him some small offense, he fell into a
caldron of boiling oil and expired before he could be extinguished.

ON THE DECAY OF THE ART OF LYING
ESSAY, FOR DISCUSSION, READ AT A MEETING OF THE
HISTORICAL AND ANTIQUARIAN CLUB OF HARTFORD, AND
OFFERED FOR THE THIRTY-DOLLAR PRIZE. NOW FIRST
PUBLISHED.--[Did not take the prize]
Observe, I do not mean to suggest that the custom of lying has suffered
any decay or interruption--no, for the Lie, as a Virtue, a Principle, is
eternal; the Lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the
fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend, is immortal,
and cannot perish from the earth while this Club remains. My
complaint simply concerns the decay of the art of lying. No
high-minded man, no man of right feeling, can contemplate the
lumbering and slovenly lying of the present day without grieving to see
a noble art so prostituted. In this veteran presence I naturally enter upon
this scheme with diffidence; it is like an old maid trying to teach
nursery matters to the mothers in Israel. It would not become me to
criticize you, gentlemen, who are nearly all my elders--and my
superiors, in this thing --and so, if I should here and there seem to do it,
I trust it will in most cases be more in a spirit of admiration than of
fault-finding; indeed, if this finest of the fine arts had everywhere
received the attention, encouragement, and conscientious practice and

development which this Club has devoted to it