Alibi Ike | Page 2

Jack
Mack and I. Say, he couldn't play billiards as good as Willie Hoppe;
not quite. But to hear him tell it, he didn't make a good shot all evenin'.
I'd leave him an awful-lookin' layout and he'd gather 'em up in one try
and then run a couple o' hundred, and between every carom he'd say
he'd put too much stuff on the ball, or the English didn't take, or the
table wasn't true, or his stick was crooked, or somethin'. And all the
time he had the balls actin' like they was Dutch soldiers and him Kaiser
William. We started out to play fifty points, but we had to make it a
thousand so as I and Jack and Carey could try the table.
The four of us set round the lobby a wile after we was through playin',
and when it got along toward bedtime Carey whispered to me and says:
"Ike'd like to go to bed, but he can't think up no excuse."
Carey hadn't hardly finished whisperin' when Ike got up and pulled it:
"Well, good night, boys," he says. "I ain't sleepy, but I got some gravel
in my shoes and it's killin' my feet."
We knowed he hadn't never left the hotel since we'd came in from the
grounds and changed our clo'es. So Carey says:
"I should think they'd take them gravel pits out o' the billiard room."
But Ike was already on his way to the elevator, limpin'.
"He's got the world beat," says Carey to Jack and I. "I've knew lots o'
guys that had an alibi for every mistake they made; I've heard pitchers
say that the ball slipped when somebody cracked one off'n 'em; I've
heard infielders complain of a sore arm after heavin' one into the stand,
and I've saw outfielders tooken sick with a dizzy spell when they've
misjudged a fly ball. But this baby can't even go to bed without
apologizin', and I bet he excuses himself to the razor when he gets
ready to shave."
"And at that," says Jack, "he's goin' to make us a good man."

"Yes," says Carey, "unless rheumatism keeps his battin' average down
to .400."
Well, sir, Ike kept whalin' away at the ball all through the trip till
everybody knowed he'd won a job. Cap had him in there regular the last
few exhibition games and told the newspaper boys a week before the
season opened that he was goin' to start him in Kane's place.
"You're there, kid," says Carey to Ike, the night Cap made the
'nnouncement. "They ain't many boys that wins a big league berth their
third year out."
"I'd of been up here a year ago," says Ike, "only I was bent over all
season with lumbago."

II
It rained down in Cincinnati one day and somebody organized a little
game o' cards. They was shy two men to make six and ast I and Carey
to play.
"I'm with you if you get Ike and make it seven-handed," says Carey.
So they got a hold of Ike and we went up to Smitty's room.
"I pretty near forgot how many you deal," says Ike. "It's been a long
wile since I played."
I and Carey give each other the wink, and sure enough, he was just as
ig'orant about poker as billiards. About the second hand, the pot was
opened two or three ahead of him, and they was three in when it come
his turn. It cost a buck, and he throwed in two.
"It's raised, boys," somebody says.
"Gosh, that's right, I did raise it," says Ike.

"Takeout a buck if you didn't mean to tilt her," says Carey.
"No," says Ike, "I'll leave it go."
Well, it was raised back at him and then he made another mistake and
raised again. They was only three left in when the draw come. Smitty'd
opened with a pair o' kings and he didn't help 'em. Ike stood pat. The
guy that'd raised him back was flushin' and he didn't fill. So Smitty
checked and Ike bet and didn't get no call. He tossed his hand away, but
I grabbed it and give it a look. He had king, queen, jack and two tens.
Alibi Ike he must have seen me peekin', for he leaned over and
whispered to me.
"I overlooked my hand," he says. "I thought all the wile it was a
straight."
"Yes," I says, "that's why you raised twice by mistake."
They was another pot that he come into with tens and fours. It was
tilted a couple o' times and two o' the strong fellas drawed ahead of Ike.
They each drawed one. So Ike throwed away his little pair and come
out with four tens. And they