Agent to the Stars | Page 3

school. I'm about to go back
for my 10th year reunion. He's been out in the wilderness for a long time, Brad. Michelle,
on the other hand, is a major star. Right now. $300 million in her last two films. Fourteen
million is a bargain."
The door opened. Miranda popped her head in. She's back, she mouthed.
"Tom," Brad began.
"Hold on a second, Brad. The woman herself is on the other line." I cut him off before he
could say anything. "What?" I said to Miranda.
"Miss Thing says she has to talk to you right now about something very important that
can't wait."
"Tell her I'm already working on the hairdresser."
"No, it's even more important than that," Miranda said. "From the sound of it, it may be
the most important thing ever in the history of mankind. Even more important than the
invention of liposuction."
"Don't be mocking liposuction, Miranda. It has extended the career of many an actress,
thus benefiting their agents, allowing them to pay your salary. Liposuction is your
friend."
"Line two," Miranda said. "Let me know if fat-sucking is toppled."
I punched the button for line two. Ambient street noise filled my earphones. Michelle was

undoubtedly careening along Santa Monica Boulevard.
"Michelle," I said. "I'm trying to make you very rich. Whatever it is, make it quick."
"Ellen Merlow got Hard Memories." Michelle said. "I thought I was in the running for
that. I thought I had it."
"Don't feel too bad about it, Michelle," I said. "Everyone was up for that one. If you
didn't get it, that puts you in there with Jessica Lange and Meryl Streep. You're in good
company. Besides, the pay wasn't that good."
I heard a short brake squeal, followed by a horn and some muffled yelling. Michelle had
cut someone off. "Tom, I need roles like that, you know? I don't want to be doing
Summertime Blues for the next ten years. This role would have helped me stretch. I want
to work on my craft."
At the word craft, I mimed stabbing myself in the eye. "Michelle, right now you're the
biggest female star in Hollywood. Let's work with that for a couple of movies, okay? Get
a nice nest egg. Your craft will still be there later."
"I'm right for this role, Tom."
"The role is a 40ish Jewish woman victimized in the Warsaw ghetto and Treblinka, who
then fights racism in the United States," I said. "You're 25. And you're blonde." And you
think Treblinka is a shop on Melrose. I kept that last thought in my head. No point
confusing her.
"Jessica Lange is blonde."
"Jessica Lange also has two Oscars," I said. "So does Ellen, for that matter. One in each
acting category. And she's also not 25, or blonde. Michelle, let it go. If you want to work
on your craft, we can get you into some live theater. That's craft. Craft up the wazoo.
They're doing Doll's House over at the Dorothy Chandler. You'll love it."
"Tom, I want that part."
"We'll talk about it later, Michelle. I've got to get back to Brad. Gotta go. We'll talk
soon."
"Remember to tell him about the hair--" I clicked her off and switched Brad back on.
"Sorry, Brad."
"I hope she was telling you not to blow this offer by asking for too much," Brad said.
"Actually, she was telling me about another project she's really passionate about," I said.
"Hard Memories."
"Oh, come on," Brad said. "She's a little young and blonde to be playing Yentl, isn't she?

Anyway, Ellen Merlow just got that part. Read it in the Times today."
"Since when does the Times get anything right? Michelle's a little young for the part, yes,
but that's what makeup is for. She's a draw. Could get a whole other audience for serious
drama."
Brad snorted. "She won't be getting fourteen million for that," he said. "That's their entire
budget."
"No, but she'll be working on her craft," I said. I popped the ball up and down on my desk.
"The Academy eats that stuff up. It's a nomination, easy. Like Cher in Silkwood."
Sometimes I can't believe what comes out of my own mouth.
But it was working. I could hear Brad weighing the options in his mind. The project at
hand was the sequel to Murdered Earth -- called, in a burst of true creativity, Earth
Resurrected. They had a problem: they killed off the hero in the first film. Which as just
as well, since Mark Glavin, who played him, was a loser who was well on his way to
replicating the career arc of Mickey Rourke.
So when it came to the sequel, they had to build it around Michelle, whose character
managed to survive. The