Agent to the Stars | Page 9

us here on Earth for a while, and they decided recently that after several years of observation, it was time to make themselves known to humanity. But they have concerns."
"We look like snot," Joshua said. "And we smell like dead fish."
Carl nodded in Joshua's direction. "The Yherajk are worried that their physical appearance will present problems."
"We have seen The Blob, and it is us," Joshua intoned.
Another nod from Carl. "The Yherajk have decided that before they can appear to humanity, some arrangements have to be made -- a way has to be made for them not to appear so ugly from the outset."
"We need an agent to get us the role of the friendly aliens," Joshua said.
"That's the short version," Carl said.
I sat there for a second, trying to process the information. "Can I ask a question?" I said.
"Shoot," said Joshua.
I looked at Joshua and for a moment I was frozen. I didn't know what part of it to address. It all looked the same. I dealt with it by looking straight at its center. "Dumb question first: Why didn't you just drop on the lawn of the White House? I mean, in the movies, that's pretty much how it was done."
"We thought about it," Joshua said. "Then we caught the Presidential debates. The people you folks elect are sort of scary. And you Americans are the folks that do it the best on this entire planet. Besides, your president only speaks for Americans. American movies speak for your world. Who hasn't seen Wizard of Oz? Or Jaws? Or Star Wars? We've seen them, and we're not even from this planet." Joshua sprouted a tendril and tapped the table. "If you want to introduce yourself to the planet, this is the place to start."
"Okay," I said. I looked over at Carl. "The....Earjack --"
"Yherajk," Carl said, pronouncing it yee-heer-aahg-k.
"It's not our real name," Joshua said, "but you couldn't pronounce what we're actually called."
"Why not?" I asked.
"Well, for one thing, it's a smell," Joshua said. "Would you like to smell it?"
I glanced at Carl. He shrugged. "Sure," I said.
The room filled with a stench that resembled the offspring of a rotted sneaker and Velveeta. I gagged involuntarily.
"God, that's horrible," I said, and immediately regretted it. "I'm very sorry," I said. "That was probably the first ever insult to an extraterrestrial. I apologize."
"No offense taken," Joshua said, mildly. "You should come to a Yherajk get-together. It's like a convention of farts."
"I believe there was a question at the beginning of all this," Carl said.
"Right," I said, and looked back to Carl. "How many people know about the Yherajk?"
"Including you and me?" Carl said.
"Yes," I said.
"Two," Carl said. "Well, and a couple thousand Yherajk orbiting the planet. But among humans, it's just you and me."
"Wow," I said.
"It's not that hard to believe," Joshua said. "If you run out of here and say that you've just met an alien that looks like gelatin and smells like a cat in heat, who's going to believe you? All the really believable aliens have spines."
I ignored this. "Carl, why me?"
Carl tilted his head at me, and regarded me like a favored child. Which, perhaps, I was. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"I mean, I'm flattered that you picked me to help you to do...." I waved my hands around, "whatever it is that we're going to be doing here. But I don't know why you picked me."
"Well, it's like I said," Carl said. "I need someone who's smart and that I can trust."
"I appreciate that," I said. "But Carl, you don't even know me. I've worked here for five years, and every other time we've spoken, it was in meetings, about our clients and how we were going to package them. And that wasn't that often."
"Do you feel neglected?" Carl asked. "I wouldn't have pegged you for that."
"No, that's not it," I said. "It's never bothered me. That's not what I mean. What I mean is that I don't know why you feel you can trust me, or why you think I'm smart. You can, and I am, but I wouldn't have thought I'd be an obvious choice. I'm surprised you even thought of me."
Carl smirked, looked off for a second, as if communicating to an unseen audience, and then turned back to me. "Tom," he said, "give me some credit for knowing something about the people who I employ."
I straightened up slightly. "I didn't mean to offend you, Carl."
"You haven't," he said. "My point here is simply that I've been aware of you and your work for this company. Your works speaks quite a bit as to the person you are, and as for the rest of it..." he shrugged. "Sometimes you take a chance."
"Thanks," I said.
"Also, to be blunt," Carl continued, "you're just a junior agent