Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 7

often fall into discussion and argument. When this is the case, take care not to be too positive or peremptory in your manner. Be solicitous to allow their full weight to the arguments of your antagonist. Do not suffer the impression of the force and correctness of your own reasoning, to render you blind to what is urged against you. Above all, keep your temper. If you lose your temper, victory will be deprived of its credit, and defeat will be more disgraceful. At the same time you will run a double chance of being defeated, without having the wit to see, or the manliness to own it. Believe me, my dear nephew, (to adopt the very words of one of the most sagacious and distinguished of modern statesmen) "that the arms with which the ill dispositions of the world are to be combated, and the qualities by which it is to be reconciled to us, and we reconciled to it, are moderation, gentleness, a little indulgence to others, and a great deal of distrust of ourselves; which are not qualities of a mean spirit, as some may possibly think them, but virtues of a great and noble kind, and such as dignify our nature as much as they contribute to our repose and fortune; for nothing can be so unworthy of a well-composed soul, as to pass away life in bickerings and litigations, in snarling and scuffling with every one about us. Again and again, my dear,--we must be at peace with our species; if not for their sakes, yet very much for our own[43:1]."
But my letter grows long, and I must hasten to conclude it. Read repeatedly Cowper's lively poem on conversation, which seems to me to have much of the spirit and accurate moral taste of Horace, with the elevation derived from Christianity. Read, too, if you can lay your hand on it, Bishop Horne's paper on conversation, in the Olla Podrida. In these two essays you will find many of the sentiments which I have expressed, only given in a much more engaging manner. In the 78th and 83d Numbers of the Idler, many common faults in conversation are exposed with a degree of humour, in which our great moralist did not very frequently indulge.
I remain, My dear Nephew, Your affectionate Uncle.
FOOTNOTES:
[34:1] Ecclus. xix. 8.
[37:1] Ephes. v. 4. and Coloss. iii. 8.
[38:1] Prov. xiv. 9.
[43:1] Prior's Life of Burke, p. 215. Second edition.

LETTER IV.
AGAINST YIELDING TO THE INFLUENCE OF NUMBERS.
MY DEAR NEPHEW,
When I advised you to fall in, so far as you reasonably can, with the wishes and inclinations of those with whom you associate, you understood, I trust, that compliance should never go so far, as to involve the slightest sacrifice of truth or of principle. When carried to this culpable extent, it becomes an instance of weak and unmanly cowardice.
One of the greatest dangers to which young men are exposed upon their first entrance into the world, is that which arises from their readiness to be swayed by the example or by the persuasion of their companions. The example, and still more the persuasion, of a single individual, is sometimes not without difficulty resisted, and the difficulty of resistance is greatly increased by the influence of numbers. A young man dreads the imputation of singularity. He cannot bear to stand out against the example, perhaps the solicitations, of those among whom he lives. He suffers himself, therefore, to be carried along by the stream, and led into conduct, of which, in his conscience, he utterly disapproves.
Never, my dear nephew, do you be guilty of such weakness. Avoid singularity, whenever it can be avoided with innocence: an affectation of singularity for singularity's sake, generally proceeds from conceit or self-sufficiency. But where the path of duty is clear, let no example or persuasion induce you to swerve from it. Keep ever impressed upon your mind the admonition of Scripture, Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil.
Never suffer yourself to be laughed out of what is right. Never be ashamed of adhering to what you know to be your duty. In matters of duty keep in mind the words of Scripture, Fear ye not the reproach of men, neither be afraid of their revilings. Never expose yourself to the censure justly cast upon those who value the praise or the approbation of men,--of giddy, thoughtless, sensual men, more than the praise of God. Remember, my dear nephew, the solemn warning of our Lord: If any man shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed when he cometh in his glory with his holy angels.
In your steady adherence to the dictates of conscience, you will always find some who will