Advice to a Mother on the Management of her Children | Page 4

acknowledge advantages. This temper--this habit of disparagement--is certainly very unamiable; and justly offensive, not only to those who are run down by it as its immediate objects, but to all who witness it. A man who consults his own comfort, or the comfort of those with whom he associates, should be disposed to make the best of every thing. I would by no means wish him in the slightest degree to compromise truth, or to make the remotest approach to flattery; but I would have him see every thing in the most favourable point of view, and disposed to pursue and to dwell upon what is good rather than upon what is bad. Too much of that which is bad is sure to be forced upon our attention, without our taking any pains to look out for it.
Be always on your guard against hurting the feelings, or even shocking the prejudices, of those with whom you associate. A little observation, and some attention to your own feelings in similar circumstances, will soon teach you what is likely to be annoying to others. Make every allowance for their self-love, and for attachment to their own opinions.
Never give unnecessary pain or mortification. It is unnecessary, when it can be avoided without compromising the consistency of your own character, or hazarding the interests of religion and of truth.
In short, my dear nephew, if you will study St. Paul's account of the nature and properties of charity, and regulate your temper and your behaviour accordingly, you will want little in order to be a perfect gentleman, in the highest sense of the word. I will not enter upon this account in detail, but must refer you to Fenelon's excellent book on this subject, if it should come in your way, or even to my own Sermon[22:1]. Give me your attention, however, for a minute or two, to a few slight remarks upon charity--merely as it bears upon our conduct in society.
Charity suffereth long--+makrothymei+--it bears patiently with other men's defects of temper, discourteousness of behaviour, and awkwardness of manner; and is kind, gentle, and obliging--+chr��steuetai+.
Charity envieth not--+ou z��loi+. It is free from those little jealousies, and rivalries, and emulations, which, where they are admitted, sometimes give sourness to the temper, and bitterness to the behaviour.
Charity vaunteth not itself--+ou perpereuetai+; it is not rash or over hasty; it is not overbearing, positive, and peremptory, in language or manner; is not puffed up--+ou physioutai+; is not inflated with an opinion of its own worth or consequence; and, that being the case, it doth not behave itself unseemly--+ouk asch��monei+; it does not treat other men with disdain and superciliousness.
Charity seeketh not her own--+ou z��tei ta heaut��s+--that is, she is not selfish. Charity neglects not altogether her own concerns, or her own interests, but does not attend to them exclusively; does not so attend to them, as to be unmindful of, or inattentive to, the interests and welfare of others.
Charity is not easily provoked--+ou paroxynetai+. Nothing more disturbs the peace and comfort of society than the being easily provoked. When a man is touchy and waspish, he is always looking out for, and catching at, occasions of offence.
Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; it does not take pleasure in hearing of misdoings and evil conduct, but delights in accounts of praiseworthy actions, and in the spread of sound religious principles.
Charity beareth all things, believeth all thing, hopeth all things, endureth all things; +panta stegei, panta pisteuei, panta elpizei, panta hypomenei+.
I will not, my dear nephew, lengthen a long letter, by endeavouring to point out the precise meaning of these expressions. You may understand from them, that charity is patient of ill-usage; that instead of being suspicious and disposed to cavil and carp at every thing, it is open and ingenuous, ready to give men credit for speaking the truth, when there is no good reason to think otherwise; and that it is disposed to hope the best, to think as favourably as it can of those with whom it comes in contact; and if it cannot actually think well of them at present, to hope for their amendment and reformation.
I think you will agree with me, that a man influenced by this spirit would be an acceptable man in society, and that the best practical Christian would be the best gentleman[26:1].
I remain, Your affectionate Uncle.
FOOTNOTES:
[14:1] Prov. x. 7.
[20:1] See Numbers 72, 74, and 98, of the Rambler.
[22:1] See Village Sermons.
[26:1] See Jones's Letters from a Tutor to his Pupils.

LETTER III.
CONVERSATION.
MY DEAR NEPHEW,
I take it for granted, that upon first going from school to Oxford, and entering into society different, in many respects, from any that you have hitherto been accustomed to, you feel some of that shyness which belongs to the character of most Englishmen.