Ades Fables | Page 8

Godmother.
She was a Post-Graduate who was keeping herself on Earth by running
to the Drug-Store every few minutes.
The Eye-Brows were neatly blocked out by some Process unknown to
the writer, and she had a Shape that could be revised ad lib.
An Expert would have Made her at a glance, but the Cub fell for the
Scenery and Mechanical Effects.
He had sketched a little synopsis of the Future. After waiting 8 years,
until she had unpetaled into the perfect bloom of Womanhood and he
was wearing a Full Beard, he would take her by the Long Glove and
lead her off into Dreamland.
Just to show how one of those pinfeather Passions may be shunted onto
a Siding and left among the Dog-Fennel, when the Subject of this
Sketch was aetat 22, he was picking them out of the Air in the Left
Garden at the State University. Fannie (she of the purchased Pallor)
was thoroughly married to a Veterinary with the Drug Habit.

Soon after recovering from the Pip, known in Medical Parlance as the
Spooney Infantum, he began to glory in the friendship of an incipient
Amazon who wore a Blazer and walked like a Policeman.
She did not hamper her fibrous Physique with any excess Harness that
might pinch when she essayed a full St. Andrew's Swipe with a wooden
Club. And she had one lower octave of Pipes, like a Brakeman on the
Erie.
There comes a brief Period in the Veal Epoch of every Sentimental
Tommy when the only real Cutie is one who can propel a Canoe and
throw Overhand.
So Walter, such being the baptismal Handicap, often thought it would
be Sweet Billiards to keep house with the she-Acrobat for 30 or 40
years, because when they were tired of sitting in the House they could
go into the Front Yard and play Ketch.
He was just at the rickety Age when the Gams refuse to co-ordinate.
Every time he sauntered carelessly across the porch at a Summer Hotel,
he gave a correct Imitation of a troop of Cavalry going over a Wooden
Bridge at full Gallop.
He had a way of backing into Potted Plants.
Each Morning was clouded by the task of picking out a Cravat that
would be of the same Radio-Activity as his Socks. And all through the
waking hours he carried with him a faint and sickly Realization that his
Parents did not understand him.
One day he stood before a kind-faced Registrar and matriculated.
Branded as a regular Freshman, he went back to his little Den and put a
news-stand Photo of Lillian Russell between two Pennants.
The whalebone Divinity in the Home Town passed out of his Life. He
told himself that he would be true to Miss Russell and all the other
Members of her sprightly Profession.

The emotional side of his unfolding Nature began to nourish itself on
Song Hits, and he slept each night with his Banjo folded tightly to his
Bosom.
He became acquainted with a Sophomore who once sat near Trixie
Friganza in a Parlor Car. One night Alice Nielsen looked directly at the
Box in which he was seated with the other Fraters of the Ippy Ki Yi. In
fact, his Life became crowded with tingling Experiences.
The collection of Cigarette Pictures made him acquainted with many
Celebrities. His intimacy with them grew apace as he developed a
bookish appetite for Sunday Newspapers.
He danced with the local Chickadees, but all the time his Heart was far
away, in the Dramatic Column.
Suddenly he found that he was an Upper Classman, to whom each
Neophyte touched the Leaf of Lettuce balanced on top of the Head,
ostensibly as a Cap.
He became endowed with the divine Right to hit himself on the Leg
with a Walking Stick and sit on a hallowed Fence.
Simultaneous-like, he became conscious of the fact that the Footlight
Favorites were no longer worthy of him. He began to hold long and
serious Conversaziones with the Sister of a Prof.
She was an aerial Performer who wore powerful Spectacles, in which
any one standing before her could see an Image of himself, greatly
reduced. She looked as if she had been sitting up all night, writing a
History of Civilization.
Walter found himself uplifted every time they were left together in the
Library. Sometimes she took him up so high that he became dizzy.
He now began to prog as follows: He and the Lady Emerson would be
legally welded just after Commencement and spend the Honeymoon at
some lively Chautauqua.

The grinding Wheels and raucous buying and selling of the Marts of
Trade seemed faint and far away when he roamed through the Cloisters
with Elfreda. He was in the moulting Stage, and it seemed