A Woman of the World | Page 4

a
robust, rosy girl, with charming manners. Your mother was concerned,
on my last visit, because I called you a pretty girl in your hearing. She
said the one effort of her life was to rear a sensible Christian daughter
with no vanity. She could not understand my point of view when I said
I should regret it if a daughter of mine was without vanity, and that I
should strive to awaken it in her. Cultivate enough vanity to care about
your personal appearance and your deportment. No amount of
education can recompense a woman for the loss of complexion, figure,
or charm. And do not let your emotional and affectional nature grow
atrophied.
Control your emotions, but do not crucify them.
Do not mistake frigidity for serenity, nor austerity for self-control. Be
affable, amiable, and sweet, no matter how much you know. And listen
more than you talk.
The woman who knows how to show interest is tenfold more attractive
than the woman who is for ever anxious to instruct. Learn how to call
out the best in other people, and lead them to talk of whatever most
interests them. In this way you will gain a wide knowledge of human

nature, which is the best education possible. Try and keep a little
originality of thought, which is the most difficult of all undertakings
while in college; and, if possible, be as lovable a woman when you go
forth into the world "finished" as when you entered the doors of your
Alma Mater: for to be unlovable is a far greater disaster than to be
uneducated.

To Edna Gordon
During Her Honeymoon
I am very much flattered that you should write your first letter as Mrs.
Gordon to me. Its receipt was a surprise, as I have known you so
slightly--only when we were both guests under a friend's roof for one
week.
I had no idea that you were noticing me particularly at that time, there
was such a merry crowd of younger people about you. How careful we
matrons should be, when in the presence of débutantes, for it seems
they are taking notes for future reference!
I am glad that my behaviour and conversation were such that you feel
you can ask me for instructions at this important period of your life.
Here is the text you have given me:
"I want you to tell me, dear Mrs. West, how to be as happy, and loved,
and loving, after fifteen years of married life, as you are. I so dread the
waning of my honeymoon."
And now you want me to preach you a little sermon on this text. Well,
my dear girl, I am at a disadvantage in not knowing you better, and not
knowing your husband at all.
Husbands are like invalids, each needs a special prescription, according
to his ailment.
But as all invalids can be benefited by certain sensible suggestions, like

taking simple food, and breathing and exercising properly, and sleeping
with open windows or out-of-doors, so all husbands can be aided
toward perpetual affection by the observance of some general laws, on
the part of the wife.
I am, of course, to take it for granted that you have married a man with
principles and ideals, a man who loves you and desires to make a good
husband. I know you were not so unfortunate as to possess a large
amount of property for any man to seek, and so I can rely upon the
natural supposition that you were married for love.
It might be worth your while, right now, while your husband's memory
is fresh upon the subject, to ask him what particular characteristics first
won his attention, and what caused him to select you for a life
companion.
Up to the present moment, perhaps, he has never told you any more
substantial reason for loving you than the usual lovers'
explanation--"Just because." But if you ask him to think it over, I am
sure he can give you a more explicit answer.
After you have found what qualities, habits, actions, or
accomplishments attracted him, write them down in a little book and
refer to them two or three times a year. On these occasions ask yourself
if you are keeping these attractions fresh and bright as they were in the
days of courtship. Women easily drop the things which won a man's
heart, and are unconscious that the change they bemoan began in
themselves. But do not imagine you can rest at ease after marriage with
only the qualities, and charms, and virtues, which won you a lover. To
keep a husband in love is a more serious consideration than to win a
lover.
You must add year by year to your attractions.
As the deep bloom of