A Woman of No Importance | Page 8

the
quality I admire most in women.
LADY HUNSTANTON. [Taking back letter and leaving it on table.] Oh! she is very
feminine, Caroline, and so good too. You should hear what the Archdeacon says of her.
He regards her as his right hand in the parish. [Footman speaks to her.] In the Yellow
Drawing-room. Shall we all go in? Lady Stutfield, shall we go in to tea?
LADY STUTFIELD. With pleasure, Lady Hunstanton. [They rise and proceed to go off.
SIR JOHN offers to carry LADY STUTFIELD'S cloak.]
LADY CAROLINE. John! If you would allow your nephew to look after Lady Stutfield's
cloak, you might help me with my workbasket.
[Enter LORD ILLINGWORTH and MRS. ALLONBY.]
SIR JOHN. Certainly, my love. [Exeunt.]
MRS. ALLONBY. Curious thing, plain women are always jealous of their husbands,
beautiful women never are!
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Beautiful women never have time. They are always so
occupied in being jealous of other people's husbands.
MRS. ALLONBY. I should have thought Lady Caroline would have grown tired of
conjugal anxiety by this time! Sir John is her fourth!
LORD ILLINGWORTH. So much marriage is certainly not becoming. Twenty years of
romance make a woman look like a ruin; but twenty years of marriage make her
something like a public building.
MRS. ALLONBY. Twenty years of romance! Is there such a thing?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Not in our day. Women have become too brilliant. Nothing
spoils a romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
MRS. ALLONBY. Or the want of it in the man.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. You are quite right. In a Temple every one should be serious,
except the thing that is worshipped.

MRS. ALLONBY. And that should be man?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Women kneel so gracefully; men don't.
MRS. ALLONBY. You are thinking of Lady Stutfield!
LORD ILLINGWORTH. I assure you I have not thought of Lady Stutfield for the last
quarter of an hour.
MRS. ALLONBY. Is she such a mystery?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. She is more than a mystery - she is a mood.
MRS. ALLONBY. Moods don't last.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. It is their chief charm.
[Enter HESTER and GERALD.]
GERALD. Lord Illingworth, every one has been congratulating me, Lady Hunstanton and
Lady Caroline, and . . . every one. I hope I shall make a good secretary.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. You will be the pattern secretary, Gerald. [Talks to him.]
MRS. ALLONBY. You enjoy country life, Miss Worsley?
HESTER. Very much indeed.
MRS. ALLONBY. Don't find yourself longing for a London dinner- party?
HESTER. I dislike London dinner-parties.
MRS. ALLONBY. I adore them. The clever people never listen, and the stupid people
never talk.
HESTER. I think the stupid people talk a great deal.
MRS. ALLONBY. Ah, I never listen!
LORD ILLINGWORTH. My dear boy, if I didn't like you I wouldn't have made you the
offer. It is because I like you so much that I want to have you with me.
[Exit HESTER with GERALD.]
Charming fellow, Gerald Arbuthnot!
MRS. ALLONBY. He is very nice; very nice indeed. But I can't stand the American
young lady.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Why?
MRS. ALLONBY. She told me yesterday, and in quite a loud voice too, that she was
only eighteen. It was most annoying.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A
woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything.
MRS. ALLONBY. She is a Puritan besides -
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Ah, that is inexcusable. I don't mind plain women being
Puritans. It is the only excuse they have for being plain. But she is decidedly pretty. I
admire her immensely. [Looks steadfastly at MRS. ALLONBY.]
MRS. ALLONBY. What a thoroughly bad man you must be!
LORD ILLINGWORTH. What do you call a bad man?
MRS. ALLONBY. The sort of man who admires innocence.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. And a bad woman?
MRS. ALLONBY. Oh! the sort of woman a man never gets tired of.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. You are severe - on yourself.
MRS. ALLONBY. Define us as a sex.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Sphinxes without secrets.
MRS. ALLONBY. Does that include the Puritan women?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Do you know, I don't believe in the existence of Puritan women?

I don't think there is a woman in the world who would not be a little flattered if one made
love to her. It is that which makes women so irresistibly adorable.
MRS. ALLONBY. You think there is no woman in the world who would object to being
kissed?
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Very few.
MRS. ALLONBY. Miss Worsley would not let you kiss her.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. Are you sure?
MRS. ALLONBY. Quite.
LORD ILLINGWORTH. What do you think she'd do if I kissed her?
MRS. ALLONBY. Either marry you, or strike you across the face with her glove. What
would you do if she struck