A Wodehouse Miscellany

A Wodehouse Miscellany [with accents]

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Title: A Wodehouse Miscellany Articles & Stories
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
Release Date: May, 2005 [EBook #8190] [Yes, we are more than one year ahead of
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A WODEHOUSE MISCELLANY
Articles & Stories

By P. G. WODEHOUSE

[Transcriber's note: This collection of early Wodehouse writings was assembled for
Project Gutenberg. Original publication dates for the stories are shown in square brackets
in the Table of Contents.

CONTENTS
ARTICLES
SOME ASPECTS OF GAME-CAPTAINCY
AN UNFINISHED COLLECTION
THE NEW ADVERTISING
THE SECRET PLEASURES OF REGINALD
MY BATTLE WITH DRINK
IN DEFENSE OF ASTIGMATISM
PHOTOGRAPHERS AND ME
A PLEA FOR INDOOR GOLF
THE ALARMING SPREAD OF POETRY
MY LIFE AS A DRAMATIC CRITIC
THE AGONIES OF WRITING A MUSICAL COMEDY
ON THE WRITING OF LYRICS
THE PAST THEATRICAL SEASON
POEMS
DAMON AND PYTHIAS: A Romance
THE HAUNTED TRAM
STORIES
WHEN PAPA SWORE IN HINDUSTANI [1901]
TOM, DICK, AND HARRY [1905]
JEEVES TAKES CHARGE [1916]
DISENTANGLING OLD DUGGIE [1912]

ARTICLES

SOME ASPECTS OF GAME-CAPTAINCY
To the Game-Captain (of the football variety) the world is peopled by three classes,
firstly the keen and regular player, next the partial slacker, thirdly, and lastly, the entire,
abject and absolute slacker.
Of the first class, the keen and regular player, little need be said. A keen player is a gem
of purest rays serene, and when to his keenness he adds regularity and punctuality, life
ceases to become the mere hollow blank that it would otherwise become, and joy reigns
supreme.
The absolute slacker (to take the worst at once, and have done with it) needs the pen of a
Swift before adequate justice can be done to his enormities. He is a blot, an excrescence.
All those moments which are not spent in avoiding games (by means of that leave which

is unanimously considered the peculiar property of the French nation) he uses in
concocting ingenious excuses. Armed with these, he faces with calmness the disgusting
curiosity of the Game-Captain, who officiously desires to know the reason of his
non-appearance on the preceding day. These excuses are of the
"had-to-go-and-see-a-man-about-a-dog" type, and rarely meet with that success for which
their author hopes. In the end he discovers that his chest is weak, or his heart is subject to
palpitations, and he forthwith produces a document to this effect, signed by a doctor. This
has the desirable result of muzzling the tyrannical Game-Captain, whose sole solace is a
look of intense and withering scorn. But this is seldom fatal, and generally, we rejoice to
say, ineffectual.
The next type is the partial slacker. He differs from the absolute slacker in that at rare
intervals he actually turns up, changed withal into the garb of the game, and thirsting for
the fray. At this point begins the time of trouble for the Game-Captain. To begin with, he
is forced by stress of ignorance to ask the newcomer his name. This is, of course, an
insult of the worst kind. "A being who does not know my name," argues the partial
slacker, "must be something not far from a criminal lunatic." The name is, however,
extracted, and the partial slacker strides to the arena. Now arises insult No. 2. He is
wearing his cap. A hint as to the advisability of removing this pièce de résistance not
being taken, he is ordered to assume a capless state, and by these means a coolness
springs up between him and the G. C. Of this the Game-Captain is made aware when the
game commences. The partial slacker, scorning