A Spinner in the Sun | Page 3

could not be wrong to die if one was too miserable to live. Her
mind revolved perpetually in this circle and came continually back to a
compromise. She would live one more day, and then she would free
herself. There was always a to-morrow when she should be free, but it
never came.
The fire died down and the candle had but a few minutes more to burn.
It was the hour of the night when life is at its lowest--when souls pass
out into the great Beyond. Miss Evelina took the vial from her reticule
and uncorked it. The bitter, pungent odour came as sweet incense to her
nostrils. No one knew she had come. No one would ever enter her door
again. She might die peacefully in her own house, and no one would
know until the walls crumbled to dust--perhaps not even then. And
Miss Evelina had a horror of a grave.
She drew a long breath of the bitterness. The silken leaves of the
poppies--flowers of sleep--had been crushed into this. The lees must be
drained from the Cup of Life before the Cup could be set aside. Every
one came to this, sooner or later. Why not choose? Why not drain the
Cup now? When it had all been bitter, why hesitate to drink the lees?
The monstrous and incredible passion of the race was slowly creeping
upon her. Her eyes gleamed and her cheeks burned. The hunger for
death at her own hands and on her own terms possessed her frail body
to the full. "If there had been a God in Heaven," she said, aloud, "surely

I must have died!"
The words startled her and her hand shook so that some of the
laudanum was spilled. It was long since she had heard her own voice in
more than a monosyllabic answer to some necessary question.
Inscrutably veiled in many folds of chiffon, she held herself apart from
the world, and the world, carelessly kind, had left her wholly to herself.
Slowly, she put the cork tightly into the vial and slipped it back into her
bag. "Tomorrow," she sighed; "to-morrow I shall set myself free."
The fire flickered and without warning the candle went out, in a gust of
wind which shook the house to its foundations. Stray currents of air had
come through the crevices of the rattling windows and kept up an
imperfect ventilation. She took another candle from her satchel, put it
into a candlestick of blackened brass, and slowly ascended the stairs.
She went to her own room, though her feet failed her at the threshold
and she sank helplessly to the floor. Too weak to stand, she made her
way on her knees to her bed, leaving the candle in the hall, just outside
her door. As she had suspected, it was hardest of all to enter this room.
A pink and white gown of dimity, yellowed, and grimed with dust, yet
lay upon her bed. Cobwebs were woven over the lace that trimmed the
neck and sleeves. Out of the fearful shadows, mute reminders of a lost
joy mocked her from every corner of the room.
She knelt there until some measure of strength came back to her, and,
with it, a mad fancy. "To-night," she said to herself, "I will be brave.
For once I will play a part, since to-morrow I shall be free. To-night, it
shall be as though nothing had happened--as though I were to be
married to-morrow and not to--to Death!"
She laughed wildly, and, even to her own ears, it had a fantastic,
unearthly sound. The empty rooms took up the echo and made merry
with it, the sound dying at last into a silence like that of the tomb.
She brought in the candle, took the dimity gown from the bed, and
shook it to remove the dust. In her hands it fell apart, broken, because it
was too frail to tear. She laid it on a chair, folding it carefully, then took
the dusty bedding from her bed and carried it into the hall, dust and all.
In an oaken chest in a corner of her room was her store of linen,
hemmed exquisitely and embroidered with the initials: "E. G."
She began to move about feverishly, fearing that her resolution might
fail. The key of the chest was in a drawer in her dresser, hidden beneath

a pile of yellowed garments. Her hands, so long nerveless, were alive
and sentient now. When she opened the chest, the scent of lavender and
rosemary, long since dead, struck her like a blow.
The room swam before her, yet Miss Evelina dragged forth her linen
sheets and pillow-slips, musty, but clean, and made her bed. Once or
twice, her veil slipped down