A Select Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. VIII (4th edition) | Page 7

the kitchen, following the last dish, which was two miles off from the
foremost, brought him an index of their several names. Neither did he
pingle, when it was set on the board, but for the space of three days and
three nights never rose from the table.
WILL SUM. O intolerable lying villain, that was never begotten
without the consent of a whetstone![32]
SUM. Ungracious man, how fondly he argueth!
VER. Tell me, I pray, wherefore was gold laid under our feet in the
veins of the earth, but that we should contemn it, and tread upon it, and
so consequently tread thrift under our feet? It was not known till the
iron age, _donec facinus invasit mortales_, as the poet says; and the
Scythians always detested it. I will prove it that an unthrift, of any,
comes nearest a happy man, in so much as he comes nearest to beggary.
Cicero saith, summum bonum consists in _omnium rerum vacatione_,
that is, the chiefest felicity that may be to rest from all labours. Now
who doth so much _vacare à rebus_, who rests so much, who hath so
little to do as the beggar? who can sing so merry a note, as he that
cannot change a groat?[33] _Cui nil est, nil deest_: he that hath nothing
wants nothing. On the other side, it is said of the carl, _Omnia habeo,
nec quicquam habeo_: I have all things, yet want everything. _Multi
mihi vitio vertunt quia egeo_, saith Marcus Cato in Aulus Gellius; _at
ego illis quia nequeunt egere_: many upbraid me, saith he, because I
am poor; but I upbraid them, because they cannot live if they be
poor.[34] It is a common proverb, _Divesque miserque_, a rich man
and a miserable: _nam natura paucis contenta_, none so contented as
the poor man. Admit that the chiefest happiness were not rest or ease,

but knowledge, as Herillus, Alcidamus, and many of Socrates'
followers affirm; why _paupertas omnes perdocet artes_, poverty
instructs a man in all arts; it makes a man hardy and venturous, and
therefore is it called of the poets _paupertas audax_, valiant poverty. It
is not so much subject to inordinate desires as wealth or prosperity.
_Non habet, unde suum paupertas pascat amorem_;[35] poverty hath
not wherewithal to feed lust. All the poets were beggars; all alchemists
and all philosophers are beggars. _Omnia mea mecum porto_, quoth
Bias, when he had nothing but bread and cheese in a leathern bag, and
two or three books in his bosom. Saint Francis, a holy saint, and never
had any money. It is madness to doat upon muck. That young man of
Athens, Aelianus makes mention of, may be an example to us, who
doated so extremely on the image of Fortune, that when he might not
enjoy it, he died for sorrow. The earth yields all her fruits together, and
why should we not spend them together? I thank heavens on my knees,
that have made me an unthrift.[36]
SUM. O vanity itself: O wit ill-spent! So study thousands not to mend
their lives, But to maintain the sin they most affect, To be hell's
advocates 'gainst their own souls. Ver, since thou giv'st such praise to
beggary, And hast defended it so valiantly, This be thy penance: thou
shalt ne'er appear Or come abroad, but Lent shall wait on thee: His
scarcity may countervail thy waste. Riot may flourish, but finds want at
last. Take him away that knoweth no good way, And lead him the next
way to woe and want. [Exit VER. Thus in the paths of knowledge many
stray, And from the means of life fetch their decay.
WILL SUM. Heigho. Here is a coil indeed to bring beggars to stocks. I
promise you truly I was almost asleep; I thought I had been at a sermon.
Well, for this one night's exhortation, I vow, by God's grace, never to
be good husband while I live. But what is this to the purpose? "Hur
come to Fowl," as the Welshman says, "and hur pay an halfpenny for
hur seat, and hur hear the preacher talg, and hur talg very well, by
gis[37]; but yet a cannot make her laugh: go to a theatre and hear a
Queen's Fice, and he make hur laugh, and laugh hur belly full." So we
come hither to laugh and be merry, and we hear a filthy, beggarly
oration in the praise of beggary. It is a beggarly poet that writ it; and

that makes him so much commend it, because he knows not how to
mend himself. Well, rather than he shall have no employment but lick
dishes, I will set him a work myself, to write in praise of the art of
stooping, and how there never was any