A Political Romance | Page 6

Chimney-Sweeper,--he was going to
take Leave of Trim for ever.--But, hold,--the Mob by this Time had got
round them, and their High Mightinesses insisted upon having Trim
tried upon the Spot.--Trim was accordingly tried; and, after a full
Hearing, was convicted a second Time, and handled more roughly by
one or more of them, than even at the Parson's.
Trim, says one, are you not ashamed of yourself, to make all this Rout
and Disturbance in the Town, and set Neighbours together by the Ears,
about an old-worn-out-Pair-of-cast-Breeches, not worth Half a
Crown?--Is there a cast-Coat, or a Place in the whole Town, that will
bring you in a Shilling, but what you have snapp'd up, like a greedy
Hound as you are?
In the first Place, are you not Sexton and Dog-Whipper, worth Three

Pounds a Year?--Then you begg'd the Church-Wardens to let your Wife
have the Washing and Darning of the Surplice and Church-Linen,
which brings you in Thirteen Shillings and Four Pence.--Then you have
Six Shillings and Eight Pence for oiling and winding up the Clock, both
paid you at Easter.--The Pinder's Place, which is worth Forty Shillings
a Year,--you have got that too.--You are the Bailiff, which the late
Parson got you, which brings you in Forty Shillings more.--Besides all
this, you have Six Pounds a Year, paid you Quarterly for being
Mole-Catcher to the Parish.--Aye, says the luckless Wight
above-mentioned, (who was standing close to him with his Plush
Breeches on) "You are not only Mole-Catcher, Trim, but you catch
STRAY CONIES too in the Dark; and you pretend a Licence for it,
which, I trove, will be look'd into at the next Quarter Sessions." I
maintain it, I have a Licence, says Trim, blushing as red as Scarlet:--I
have a Licence,--and as I farm a Warren in the next Parish, I will catch
Conies every Hour of the Night.--You catch Conies! cries a toothless
old Woman, who was just passing by.--
This set the Mob a laughing, and sent every Man home in perfect good
Humour, except Trim, who waddled very slowly off with that Kind of
inflexible Gravity only to be equalled by one Animal in the whole
Creation,--and surpassed by none, I am,
SIR, Yours, &c. &c.
FINIS.
POSTSCRIPT.
I have broke open my Letter to inform you, that I miss'd the
Opportunity of sending it by the Messenger, who I expected would
have called upon me in his Return through this Village to York, so it
has laid a Week or ten Days by me.
--I am not sorry for the Disappointment, because something has since
happened, in Continuation of this Affair, which I am thereby enabled to
transmit to you, all under one Trouble.

When I finished the above Account, I thought (as did every Soul in the
Parish) Trim had met with so thorough a Rebuff from John the Parish-
Clerk and the Town's Folks, who all took against him, that Trim would
be glad to be quiet, and let the Matter rest.
But, it seems, it is not half an Hour ago since Trim sallied forth again;
and, having borrowed a Sow-Gelder's Horn, with hard Blowing he got
the whole Town round him, and endeavoured to raise a Disturbance,
and fight the whole Battle over again:--That he had been used in the
last Fray worse than a Dog;--not by John the Parish-Clerk,--for I shou'd
not, quoth Trim, have valued him a Rush single Hands:--But all the
Town sided with him, and twelve Men in Buckram set upon me all at
once, and kept me in Play at Sword's Point for three Hours
together.--Besides, quoth Trim, there were two misbegotten Knaves in
Kendal Green, who lay all the while in Ambush in John's own House,
and they all sixteen came upon my Back, and let drive at me
together.--A Plague, says Trim, of all Cowards!--Trim repeated this
Story above a Dozen Times;--which made some of the Neighbours pity
him, thinking the poor Fellow crack-brain'd, and that he actually
believed what he said. After this Trim dropp'd the Affair of the
Breeches, and begun a fresh Dispute about the Reading- Desk, which I
told you had occasioned some small Dispute between the late Parson
and John, some Years ago.
This Reading-Desk, as you will observe, was but an Episode wove into
the main Story by the Bye;--for the main Affair was the Battle of the
Breeches and Great Watch-Coat.--However, Trim being at last driven
out of these two Citadels,--he has seized hold, in his Retreat, of this
Reading-Desk, with a View, as it seems, to take Shelter behind it.
I cannot say but the Man has fought it out obstinately enough;--and,
had his Cause been good, I should have really pitied him. For when he
was driven out of the Great Watch-Coat,--you