A Political Romance | Page 4

no other Reply but a general Smile.
Upon the whole, let me inform you, That all that could be said, pro and
con, on both Sides, being fairly heard, it was plain, That Trim, in every
Part of this Affair, had behaved very ill;--and one Thing, which was
never expected to be known of him, happening in the Course of this
Debate to come out against him; namely, That he had gone and told the
Parson, before he had ever set Foot in his Parish, That John his Parish-
Clerk,--his Church-Wardens, and some of the Heads of the Parish, were
a Parcel of Scoundrels.--Upon the Upshot, Trim was kick'd out of
Doors; and told, at his Peril, never to come there again.
At first Trim huff'd and bounced most terribly;--swore he would get a
Warrant;--then nothing would serve him but he would call a Bye-Law,
and tell the whole Parish how the Parson had misused him;--but

cooling of that, as fearing the Parson might possibly bind him over to
his good Behaviour, and, for aught he knew, might send him to the
House of Correction,--he let the Parson alone; and, to revenge himself,
falls foul upon his Clerk, who had no more to do in the Quarrel than
you or I;--rips up the Promise of the
old-cast-Pair-of-black-Plush-Breeches, and raises an Uproar in the
Town about it, notwithstanding it had slept ten Years.--But all this, you
must know, is look'd upon in no other Light, but as an artful Stroke of
Generalship in Trim, to raise a Dust, and cover himself under the
disgraceful Chastisement he has undergone.
If your Curiosity is not yet satisfied,--I will now proceed to relate the
Battle of the Breeches, in the same exact Manner I have done that of
the Watch-Coat.
Be it known then, that, about ten Years ago, when John was appointed
Parish-Clerk of this Church, this said Master Trim took no small Pains
to get into John's good Graces in order, as it afterwards appeared, to
coax a Promise out of him of a Pair of Breeches, which John had then
by him, of black Plush, not much the worse for wearing;--Trim only
begging for God's Sake to have them bestowed upon him when John
should think fit to cast them.
Trim was one of those kind of Men who loved a Bit of Finery in his
Heart, and would rather have a tatter'd Rag of a Better Body's, than the
best plain whole Thing his Wife could spin him.
John, who was naturally unsuspicious, made no more Difficulty of
promising the Breeches, than the Parson had done in promising the
Great Coat; and, indeed, with something less Reserve,--because the
Breeches were John's own, and he could give them, without Wrong, to
whom he thought fit.
It happened, I was going to say unluckily, but, I should rather say, most
luckily, for Trim, for he was the only Gainer by it;--that a Quarrel,
about some six or eight Weeks after this, broke out between the late
Parson of the Parish and John the Clerk. Somebody (and it was thought
to be Nobody but Trim) had put it into the Parson's Head, "That John's

Desk in the Church was, at the least, four Inches higher than it should
be:--That the Thing gave Offence, and was indecorous, inasmuch as it
approach'd too near upon a Level with the Parson's Desk itself." This
Hardship the Parson complained of loudly,--and told John one Day
after Prayers, "He could bear it no longer:--And would have it alter'd
and brought down as it should be." John made no other Reply, but,
"That the Desk was not of his raising:--That 'twas not one Hair Breadth
higher than he found it;--and that as he found it, so would he leave
it:--In short, he would neither make an Encroachment, nor would he
suffer one."
The late Parson might have his Virtues, but the leading Part of his
Character was not Humility; so that John's Stiffness in this Point was
not likely to reconcile Matters.--This was Trim's Harvest.
After a friendly Hint to John to stand his Ground,--away hies Trim to
make his Market at the Vicarage: What pass'd there, I will not say,
intending not to be uncharitable; so shall content myself with only
guessing at it, from the sudden Change that appeared in Trim's Dress
for the better;--for he had left his old ragged Coat, Hat and Wig, in the
Stable, and was come forth strutting across the Church-yard, y'clad in a
good creditable cast Coat, large Hat and Wig, which the Parson had just
given him.--Ho! Ho! Hollo! John! cries Trim, in an insolent Bravo, as
loud as ever he could bawl--See here, my Lad! how fine I am.--The
more Shame for you, answered John, seriously.--Do you think, Trim,
says he,