A Parody Outline of History | Page 7

and all for your kind attention."
Thus it was that Colombo impressed King Ferdinand and his court with his profound knowledge of geography. Next the tale tells how there came to Colombo on Michaelmas Eve one sent by Queen Isabel, And when Colombo had buckled on his sword Impavide he followed the messenger through winding corridors and came at last to the chamber of the Queen. And as he knelt before her it seemed to Colombo that never before had he seen such unforgettable beauty as shone in the eyes of Queen Isabel. Yes, truly, this was the loveliest girl that Colombo had ever imagined.
"Now do you rise", said she, "and you and I shall have a nice chat alone here together, and you can tell me all about geography of which I am oh, frightfully ignorant. In truth", said she, "I have tried to get Ferdinand to instruct me, but I fear", said Queen Isabel, "that Ferdinand does not understand me."
So Colombo instructed Queen Isabel in the fundamentals of geography. And after a while he spoke.
"Now many people", said Colombo, "believe that the earth is flat, but", said Colombo, "such is not at all the case."
And after an interval Colombo said, "There, my dear, do you not see how ridiculous it is to suppose that the earth is anything but round?"
"Why surely, sire", said Queen Isabel, "you make it appear very round. And I wonder that I had not thought of that before. And I think", said Queen Isabel, "that geography is a most fascinating subject and oh, messire Colombo", said the Queen, "you must come and instruct me often."
Thus it was that Colombo became Royal Geographer. And the tale tells how after a while various whisperings came to King Ferdinand of his queen's curious enthusiasm for study.
"Now about this geography", said King Ferdinand one evening to the Queen, "I am, my dear, indeed glad to see you take an interest in such an important study and I have arranged", said the King, "to have your tutoring in the future done by Father Bernadino who has had fifty-two years' experience at the University, and your lessons", said the King, "will commence tomorrow."
Said the Queen, "How can I thank you enough, dear Ferdinand, for your untiring interest in my welfare. For I have been struggling along in my study of geography with a horribly dull clod whose name", said the Queen, "I cannot remember."
"Was it, by any chance, Colombo?" asked the King.
"Perhaps", said the Queen. "But I am oh so glad to be rid of him." And indeed so great was the happiness of Queen Isabel that her pillow that night was wet with tears.
But King Ferdinand was an unusually efficient king, and he spared no pains in his craving for normalcy. So it was that the next day he called to him the man who had chanced to be Royal Geographer before the coup d'oeuf of Colombo.
"Now tell me", said the King, "is there any chance that a man who sails to the westward will ever return?"
"None, your Majesty", said the ex-Royal Geographer. "For many have tried and horrible are the tales which they tell of demons and monsters lying in wait for the ships of men. And I should say definitely, oh King", said he, "that whoever sails to the westward will never return."
And the tale tells how that afternoon Colombo stood before King Ferdinand. And very strange to Colombo was the enthusiasm which burned in the King's otherwise somewhat fishlike eye.
"For know you, Colombo", the King was saying, "that God has spoken to me and commanded me to save from the fires of hell the inhabitants of those golden lands of which you sang. And to you, my dear Colombo, is to be given the chance which you so ardently desire. For I have this day purchased three ships which await your command, and within a week you should be well on your way on this glorious mission for God and for Spain, and", said the King, "I might add that the Queen, too, is much interested in this voyage and has even been persuaded to dispose of her jewels in order that you may make haste."
"Such instant obedience to the will of God", said Colombo, "and such fine enthusiasm to further His kingdom on earth, does your Majesties great credit. And I shall indeed congratulate the inhabitants of this to-be-discovered land for their good fortune in obtaining such a devout King."
And the tale tells how that night Colombo took leave of Queen Isabel. "Now do not weep, oh Queen", said he, "for I am only Colombo whom men call the Dreamer, and I go in search of the land of my imagining, and perhaps", said Colombo, "I shall return." But they tell how Queen Isabel refused to