A Narrative of some of the Lords Dealings with George Müller | Page 7

head, however, is no
better, but rather worse. This evening I was led, through the affliction
in my head, to great irritability of temper. Of late I have had afresh
painfully to experience in myself two things: 1. that affliction in itself
does not lead nearer to God. 2. That we may have a good deal of leisure
time and yet fail in profitably improving it. Often had I wished within
the last months that I might have more time. Now the Lord has given it
to me, but alas! how little of it is improved for prayer. I find it a
difficult thing, whilst caring for the body, not to neglect the soul. It
seems to me much easier to go on altogether regardless of the body, in
the service of the Lord, than to take care of the body, in the time of
sickness, and not to neglect the soul, especially in an affliction like my
present one, when the head allows but little reading or

thinking.-—What a blessed prospect to be delivered from this wretched
evil nature! I can say nothing respecting this day, and this evening in
particular, but that I am a wretched man.
Nov. 24. I am now quite sure that I want more than mere quiet and
change of air, even medical advice. My general health seems improved
through my stay at Weston, but the disease in my head is increased. I
have had many distressing moments since I have been at Weston, on
account of fearing that my disease may be the forerunner of insanity;
yet God has in mercy sustained me, and enabled me, in some small
measure, notwithstanding my great sinfulness, to realize the blessing of
being in Christ, and therefore secure for ever.
Nov. 25. We returned to Bristol. I was at peace, being able to cast
myself upon the Lord respecting the calamity which I feared. This
evening I saw a kind physician and surgeon, who told me that the
disease is either a tendency of blood to the head, or that the nerves of
the head are in a disordered state. They also told me that I had not the
least reason to fear insanity. How little grateful is my soul for this!
Nov. 29. I am no better. A sister sent me today 5l. also a pickled tongue,
fowls, cakes, and beautiful grapes were sent to me. My cup, as to
temporal mercies, runs over.—-One of the Orphan children died while I
was at Weston Super Mare. There is reason to believe that she died in
the faith.
Nov. 30. I am not any better. I have written to my father, perhaps, for
the last time. All is well, all will be well, all cannot but be well;
because I am in Christ. How precious that now, in this my sickness, I
have not to seek after the Lord, but have already found Him.
Dec. 1. By the mercy of God my head is somewhat relieved. My liver
is in a most inactive state, which, as my kind medical attendants tell me,
has created the pressure on the top of the head, and through the
inactivity of the liver, the whole system having been weakened, and my
mental exertions having been continued, the nerves of the head have
greatly suffered in consequence.-—This evening was sent to me,
anonymously, from a distance, 5l. for my own present necessities. The

letter was only signed F. W.—-A sister, a stranger, gave to my wife 1l.
Thus the Lord remembers our increased expenditure in consequence of
my affliction, and sends to us accordingly.
Dec. 4. Yesterday I met with the brethren for the breaking of bread.
Today I am not so well. Every time that I meet with them, the nerves of
my head are excited, and I am worse afterwards. A sister from
Barnstaple sent us 1l. l5s.
Dec. 8. My head is not so well as at the end of last week. I find it
difficult to be in Bristol and not to exert my mind. Prayer and the
reading of the Word I can bear better than any thing. May the Lord give
me grace to pray more! I see as yet scarcely a single reason, so far as I
myself am concerned, why the Lord should remove this affliction from
me. I do not find myself more conformed to the mind of Jesus by it.
Dec. 9. Two years ago this day, I stated my intention of establishing an
Orphan-House, if God should permit. What has God wrought since! 75
orphans are now under our care, and 21 more we can receive. Several
more are daily expected. During the last twelvemonth the expenses
have been about 740l., and the income about 840l. In addition to this,
about 400l.