A Modest Proposal | Page 6

Jonathan Swift
annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge
of maintaining them after the first year.
Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns, where
the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts
for dressing it to perfection; and consequently have their houses
frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon
their knowledge in good eating; and a skilful cook, who understands
how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they
please.
Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise
nations have either encouraged by rewards, or enforced by laws and
penalties. It would encrease the care and tenderness of mothers towards
their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor
babes, provided in some sort by the publick, to their annual profit
instead of expence. We should soon see an honest emulation among the
married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the
market. Men would become as fond of their wives, during the time of

their pregnancy, as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in
calf, or sow when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick
them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition
of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barrel'd beef: the
propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making
good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs,
too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or
magnificence to a well grown, fat yearly child, which roasted whole
will make a considerable figure at a Lord Mayor's feast, or any other
publick entertainment. But this, and many others, I omit, being studious
of brevity.
Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant
customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry
meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that
Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and
the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat
cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.
I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this
proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be
thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twas
indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the
reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual
Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever
can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients:
Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither
cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and
manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that
promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity,
idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of
parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country,
wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of
Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any
longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very

moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our
country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at
least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a
spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a
resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would
immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure,
and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair
proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like
expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will
ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.
But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with
offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing
of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly
new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little
trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in
disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear
exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long
continuance in salt, although perhaps I could
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