A Lecture On Heads | Page 3

the bosoms of the great: but now, blessed with that affluence which genius and prudence are sure to acquire in England, the liberal patroness of the fine arts, he now enjoys that ease his talents {3}have earned, whilst Fame, like an evening sun, gilds the winter of his life with mild, but cheerful beams. With respect, but honest ambition, I have undertaken to fill his place, and hope my attention and zeal to please, will speak in behalf of conscious inferiority.
A HEAD, to speak in the gardener's style, is a mere bulbous excrescence, growing out from between the shoulders like a wen; it is supposed to be a mere expletive, just to wear a hat on, to fill up the hollow of a wig, to take snuff with, or have your hair dressed upon.
Some of these heads are manufactured in wood, some in pasteboard; which is a hint to shew there may not only be block-heads, but also paper-skulls.
{4}Physicians acquaint us that, upon any fright or alarm, the spirits fly up into the head, and the blood rushes violently back to the heart. Hence it is, politicians compare the human constitution and the nation's constitution together: they supposing the head to be the court end of the town, and the heart the country; for people in the country seem to be taking things to heart, and people at court seem to wish to be at the head of things.
We make a mighty bustle about the twenty-four letters; how many changes they can ring, and how many volumes they have composed; yet, let us look upon the many millions of mankind, and see if any two faces are alike. Nature never designed several faces which we see; it is the odd exercise they give the muscles belonging to their visages occasions such looks: as, for example; we meet in the streets with several people talking to themselves, and seem much pleased with such conversation. [Here take them off.] Some people we see staring at every thing, and wondering with a foolish face of praise, [make a face here]; some laughing, some crying. Now crying and laughing are contrary effects, the least alteration of features occasions the difference; it is turning up the muscles to laugh [do so here], and down to cry.
{5}Yet laughter is much mistook, no person being capable of laughing, who is incapable of thinking. For some people suddenly break out into violent spasms, ha, ha, ha! and then without any gradation, change at once into downright stupidity; as for example-[Here shews the example.]
In speaking about faces, we shall now exhibit a bold face. [Shews the head. ]
This is Sir Whisky Whiffle. He is one of those mincing, tittering, tip-toe, tripping animalcul? of the times, that flutter about fine women like flies in a flower garden; as harmless, and as constant as their shadows, they dangle by the side of beauty like part of their watch equipage, as glittering, as light, and as useless; and the ladies suffer {6}such things about them, as they wear souffl��e gauze, not as things of value, but merely to make a shew with: they never say any thing to the purpose; but with this in their hands [takes up an eye-glass] they stare at ladies, as if they were a jury of astronomers, executing a writ of inquiry upon some beautiful planet: they imagine themselves possessed of the power of a rattle-snake, who can, as it is said, fascinate by a look; and that every fine woman must, at first sight, fall into their arms.--"Ha! who's that, Jack? she's a devilish fine woman, 'pon honour, an immensely lovely creature; who is she? She must be one of us; she must be comeatable, 'pon honour."--"No, Sir," replies a stranger, that overheard him, "she's a lady of strict virtue."--"Is she so? I'll look at her again--ay, ay, she may be a lady of strict virtue, for, now I look at her again, there is something devilish un-genteel about her."
{7}Wigs, as well as books, are furniture for the head, and both wigs and books are sometimes equally voluminous. We may therefore suppose this wig [shews a large wig] to be a huge quarto in large paper; this is a duodecimo in small print [takes the knowing head]; and this a jockey's head, sweated down to ride a sweepstakes. [Takes the jockey's head.] Now a jockey's head and a horse's head have great affinity, for the jockey's head can pull the horse's head on which side of the post the rider pleases: but what sort of heads must those people have who know such things are done, and will trust such sinking funds with their capitals? These are a couple of heads which, in the {8}Sportsman's Calendar, are called a brace of knowing ones; and, as a