A Good-For-Nothing | Page 9

deferred, and the conscience by which he had been wont
to test his actions had been nothing but the aggregate judgment of his
friends. To such a man the isolation and the utter irresponsibility of a
life among strangers was tenfold more dangerous; and Ralph found, to
his horror, that his character contained innumerable latent possibilities
which the easy-going life in his home probably never would have
revealed to him. It often cut him to the quick, when, on entering an
office in his daily search for employment, he was met by hostile or
suspicious glances, or when, as it occasionally happened, the door was
slammed in his face, as if he were a vagabond or an impostor. Then the

wolf was often roused within him, and he felt a momentary wild desire
to become what the people here evidently believed him to be. Many a
night he sauntered irresolutely about the gambling places in obscure
streets, and the glare of light, the rude shouts and clamors in the same
moment repelled and attracted him. If he went to the devil, who would
care? His father had himself pointed out the way to him; and nobody
could blame him if he followed the advice. But then again a memory
emerged from that chamber of his soul which still he held sacred; and
Bertha's deep-blue eyes gazed upon him with their earnest look of
tender warning and regret.
When the summer was half gone, Ralph had gained many a hard
victory over himself, and learned many a useful lesson; and at length he
swallowed his pride, divested himself of his fine clothes, and accepted
a position as assistant gardener at a villa on the Hudson. And as he
stood perspiring with a spade in his hand, and a cheap broad-brimmed
straw hat on his head, he often took a grim pleasure in picturing to
himself how his aristocratic friends at home would receive him if he
should introduce himself to them in this new costume.
"After all, it was only my position they cared for," he reflected, bitterly;
"without my father's name what would I be to them?"
Then, again, there was a certain satisfaction in knowing that, for his
present situation, humble as it was, he was indebted to nobody but
himself; and the thought that Bertha's eyes, if they could have seen him
now, would have dwelt upon him with pleasure and approbation, went
far to console him for his aching back, his sunburned face, and his
swollen and blistered hands.
One day, as Ralph was raking the gravel-walks in the garden, his
employer's daughter, a young lady of seventeen, came out and spoke to
him. His culture and refinement of manner struck her with wonder, and
she asked him to tell her his history; but then he suddenly grew very
grave, and she forbore pressing him. From that time she attached a kind
of romantic interest to him, and finally induced her father to obtain him
a situation that would be more to his taste. And, before winter came,
Ralph saw the dawn of a new future glimmering before him. He had

wrestled bravely with fate, and had once more gained a victory. He
began the career in which success and distinction awaited him as
proofreader on a newspaper in the city. He had fortunately been
familiar with the English language before he left home, and by the
strength of his will he conquered all difficulties. At the end of two
years he became attached to the editorial staff; new ambitious hopes,
hitherto foreign to his mind, awoke within him; and with joyous tumult
of heart he saw life opening its wide vistas before him, and he labored
on manfully to repair the losses of the past, and to prepare himself for
greater usefulness in times to come. He felt in himself a stronger and
fuller manhood, as if the great arteries of the vast universal world-life
pulsed in his own being. The drowsy, indolent existence at home
appeared like a dull remote dream from which he had awaked, and he
blessed the destiny which, by its very sternness, had mercifully saved
him; he blessed her, too, who, from the very want of love for him, had,
perhaps, made him worthier of love.
The years flew rapidly. Society had flung its doors open to him, and
what was more, he had found some warm friends, in whose houses he
could come and go at pleasure. He enjoyed keenly the privilege of daily
association with high-minded and refined women; their eager activity
of intellect stimulated him, their exquisite ethereal grace and their
delicately chiseled beauty satisfied his æsthetic cravings, and the
responsive vivacity of their nature prepared him ever new surprises. He
felt a strange fascination in the presence of these