A Good-For-Nothing

A Good-For-Nothing, by
Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen

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Title: A Good-For-Nothing 1876
Author: Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen
Release Date: October 24, 2007 [EBook #23174]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A
GOOD-FOR-NOTHING ***

Produced by David Widger

A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING
By Hjalmar Hjorth Boyesen
By permission of Charles Scribner's Sons.

Copyright, 1876, by James R. Osgood & Co

I
Ralph Grimm was born a gentleman, He had the misfortune of coming
into the world some ten years later than might reasonably have been
expected. Colonel Grim and his lady had celebrated twelve
anniversaries of their wedding-day, and had given up all hopes of ever
having a son and heir, when this late comer startled them by his
unexpected appearance. The only previous addition to the family had
been a daughter, and she was then ten summers old.
Ralph was a very feeble child, and could only with great difficulty be
persuaded to retain his hold of the slender thread which bound him to
existence. He was rubbed with whiskey, and wrapped in cotton, and
given mare's milk to drink, and God knows what not, and the Colonel
swore a round oath of paternal delight when at last the infant stopped
gasping in that distressing way and began to breathe like other human
beings. The mother, who, in spite of her anxiety for the child's life, had
found time to plot for him a career of future magnificence, now
suddenly set him apart for literature, because that was the easiest road
to fame, and disposed of him in marriage to one of the most
distinguished families of the land. She cautiously suggested this to her
husband when he came to take his seat at her bedside; but to her utter
astonishment she found that he had been indulging a similar train of
thought, and had already destined the infant prodigy for the army. She,
however, could not give up her predilection for literature, and the
Colonel, who could not bear to be contradicted in his own house, as he
used to say, was getting every minute louder and more flushed, when,
happily, the doctor's arrival interrupted the dispute.
As Ralph grew up from infancy to childhood, he began to give decided
promise of future distinction. He was fond of sitting down in a corner
and sucking his thumb, which his mother interpreted as the sign of that
brooding disposition peculiar to poets and men of lofty genius. At the
age of five, he had become sole master in the house. He slapped his

sister Hilda in the face, or pulled her hair, when she hesitated to obey
him, tyrannized over his nurse, and sternly refused to go to bed in spite
of his mother's entreaties. On such occasions, the Colonel would hide
his face behind his newspaper, and chuckle with delight; it was evident
that nature had intended his son for a great military commander.
As soon as Ralph himself was old enough to have any thoughts about
his future destiny, he made up his mind that he would like to be a pirate.
A few months later, having contracted an immoderate taste for candy,
he contented himself with the comparatively humble position of a baker;
but when he had read "Robinson Crusoe" he manifested a strong desire
to go to sea in the hope of being wrecked on some desolate island. The
parents spent long evenings gravely discussing these indications of
uncommon genius, and each interpreted them in his or her own way.
"He is not like any other child I ever knew," said the mother.
"To be sure," responded the father, earnestly. "He is a most
extraordinary child. I was a very remarkable child too, even if I do say
it myself; but, as far as I remember, I never aspired to being wrecked
on an uninhabited island."
The Colonel probably spoke the truth; but he forgot to take into account
that he had never read "Robinson Crusoe."
Of Ralph's school-days there is but little to report, for, to tell the truth,
he did not fancy going to school, as the discipline annoyed him. The
day after his having entered the gymnasium, which was to prepare him
for the Military Academy, the principal saw him waiting at the gate
after his class had been dismissed. He approached him, and asked why
he did not go home with the rest.
"I am waiting for the servant to carry my books,"