A Fool and His Money

Fool and His Money, A

Project Gutenberg's A Fool and His Money, by George Barr
McCutcheon #16 in our series by George Barr McCutcheon
Copyright laws are changing all over the world. Be sure to check the
copyright laws for your country before downloading or redistributing
this or any other Project Gutenberg eBook.
This header should be the first thing seen when viewing this Project
Gutenberg file. Please do not remove it. Do not change or edit the
header without written permission.
Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the
eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is
important information about your specific rights and restrictions in how
the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a
donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved.
**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts**
**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since
1971**
*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of
Volunteers!*****
Title: A Fool and His Money
Author: George Barr McCutcheon
Release Date: August, 2004 [EBook #6325] [Yes, we are more than
one year ahead of schedule] [This file was first posted on November 26,
2002]
Edition: 10

Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A FOOL
AND HIS MONEY ***

Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Charles Franks and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team.

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY
BY
GEORGE BARR McCUTCHEON

CONTENTS

CHAPTER
I. I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF
II. I DEFEND MY PROPERTY
III. I CONVERSE WITH A MYSTERY
IV. I BECOME AN ANCESTOR
V. I MEET THE FOE AND FALL
VI. I DISCUSS MATRIMONY
VII. I RECEIVE VISITORS
VIII. I RESORT TO DIPLOMACY
IX. I AM INVITED OUT TO DINNER
X. I AGREE TO MEET THE ENEMY

XI. I AM INVITED TO LEND MONEY
XII. I AM INFORMED THAT I AM IN LOVE
XIII. I VISIT AND AM VISITED
XIV. I AM FORCED INTO BEING A HERO
XV. I TRAVERSE THE NIGHT
XVI. I INDULGE IN PLAIN LANGUAGE
XVII. I SEE TO THE BOTTOM OF THINGS
XVIII. I SPEED THE PARTING GUEST
XIX. I BURN A FEW BRIDGES
XX. I CHANGE GARDEN SPOTS
XXI. SHE PROPOSES

ILLUSTRATIONS
In the aperture stood my amazing neighbour ... Frontispiece
I found myself staring as if stupefied at the white figure of a woman
who stood in the topmost balcony.
I sat bolt upright and yelled: "Get out!"
We faced each other across the bowl of roses
Up to that moment I had wondered whether I could do it with my left
hand

CHAPTER I
I MAKE NO EFFORT TO DEFEND MYSELF
I am quite sure it was my Uncle Rilas who said that I was a fool. If
memory serves me well he relieved himself of that conviction in the

presence of my mother--whose brother he was--at a time when I was
least competent to acknowledge his wisdom and most arrogant in
asserting my own. I was a freshman in college: a fact--or condition,
perhaps,--which should serve as an excuse for both of us. I possessed
another uncle, incidentally, and while I am now convinced that he must
have felt as Uncle Rilas did about it, he was one of those who suffer in
silence. The nearest he ever got to openly resenting me as a freshman
was when he admitted, as if it were a crime, that he too had been in
college and knew less when he came out than when he entered. Which
was a mild way of putting it, I am sure, considering the fact that he
remained there for twenty-three years as a distinguished member of the
faculty.
I assume, therefore, that it was Uncle Rilas who orally convicted me, an
assumption justified to some extent by putting two and two together
after the poor old gentleman was laid away for his long sleep. He had
been very emphatic in his belief that a fool and his money are soon
parted. Up to the time of his death I had been in no way qualified to
dispute this ancient theory. In theory, no doubt, I was the kind of fool
he referred to, but in practice I was quite an untried novice. It is very
hard for even a fool to part with something he hasn't got. True, I parted
with the little I had at college with noteworthy promptness about the
middle of each term, but that could hardly have been called a fair test
for the adage. Not until Uncle Rilas died and left me all of his money
was I able to demonstrate that only dead men and fools part with it. The
distinction lies in the capacity for enjoyment while the sensation lasts.