A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel | Page 7

regard to this mailing business that he became very nervous and tugged
vigorously at this ornament whenever something new was sprung on
him. It is said that water will wear a hole in stone, and so it came to
pass that he pulled his moustache out, hair by hair, till there were left
only nine on a side. The style of his adornment was then necessarily
changed to the "baseball," by which it was known to the "fans" on
board.
The handling of this enormous output has already become an

international postal problem of grave importance in many countries; the
mails have been congested and demoralized, and thousands of
important letters have been delayed because Mrs. Galley-West would
have her friends on Riverside Drive thoroughly realize that she has got
as far as Queenstown on her triumphal tour, and that she and all the
little Galley-Wests are "feeling quite well, I thank you."
The ultimate fate of the post-card mania is as yet undecided. It may,
like the measles or the South Sea Bubble, run its course and that will
end it; on the other hand, it may grow to such proportions that it will
shut out all human endeavor and bring commercial pursuits to a
complete standstill. In any case its foundations are laid in vanity and
egotism, and that will eventually prove its undoing.

MADEIRA
We lit right out for Madeira, and after a pleasant but uneventful voyage
cast anchor in the harbor of Funchal, the capital, in less than nine days.
The Madeira Islands are owned by Portugal, but the natives all wish
they were not and are most anxious to get under Uncle Sam's wing, à la
Porto Rico. The islands are of volcanic origin and some of the
mountain peaks are over six thousand feet high. The climate is
delightful and the variation in temperature is not much over thirty
degrees. Semi-tropical vegetation and flowers abound everywhere, and
the place is beautifully clad with verdure. The natives have "that tired
feeling," and do just as little work as will earn them a scanty living.
They, however, blame this condition on the Government.
The group was at one time celebrated for its wines, but a blight came
on the vines and the business of wine-making is greatly reduced;
besides, Madeira wine has gone out of fashion of late years.
FUNCHAL
The Madeirans dress like comic opera bandits and are very picturesque
in appearance, and while they look like Lord Byron's corsairs, they

never cut a throat nor scuttle a ship under any circumstances; they are
the mildest of men. While strolling in the public market I noticed a bit
of local color: one of the fierce looking pirates had for sale half a dozen
little red pigs with big, black, polka dots on them. I stopped to look at
them and the corsair insisted that I should buy one at least and take it
with me for a souvenir.
The principal feature of the place is that wheels are at a discount and
most of the locomotion is done by sliding. The streets and sidewalks
are paved with large, oblong pebbles which become highly polished by
friction. Over these the sleds, with oxen attached to them, glide with
ease, at the rate of three miles an hour. On this account it's the most
tiresome place to walk in that I know of. Even most of the natives have
stone-bruised feet and "hirple" along as if finishing a six-day walk in
"the Garden."
While we were there a Portuguese man-of-war entered the harbor and
there was a great waste of powder both from the forts and the
battle-ship. The harbor was filled with little boats containing boys and
men who dive for the coins thrown into the water for them by the
passengers. They never fail to reach the money.
I asked a gentlemanly native where the flower market was and he very
politely walked with me for three blocks and landed me in front of a
flour mill. I explained his mistake and he then insisted on taking me to
where they sold flowers, at which point we had an elaborate
fare-welling--hat-lifting, laughing and handshaking. I asked him to visit
me in New York, but he said with marked sadness in his voice that he
hadn't the price and therefore must forego the pleasure.
The passenger list of the Cork being a large and notable one, the City
Club gave us a ball at the Casino. It was alleged that the bluest blood
on the island took part in this, the largest function of the season.
Madeira has been described by a distinguished traveler as "a neglected
paradise." Part of this appearance is given it by the luxuriant growth of
the Bougainvillea vine which has rich purple