A Fantasy of Mediterranean Travel | Page 2

THE LOOKOUT FOR BUSINESS. THEY ARE
BOTH WORTHY OF EVERY ENCOURAGEMENT
OBELISK OF THOTHMES I AND QUEEN HAPSHEPSET XVIII
DYNASTY. TWO FINE OBELISKS IN THE TEMPLE OF
KARNAK--A LITTLE TOPSY-TURVY LOOKING AND VERY
MUCH IN NEED OF REPAIRS
THIS IS WHERE "RAM" FELL DOWN AND HAS NEVER SINCE
BEEN "LIFTED." IT TAKES PIASTRES TO PUT SUCH A BIG MAN
ON HIS FEET. STONY MACADAM, PRESIDENT OF THE
BAKSHISH TRUST & TIPPING COMPANY, WITH HIS CASHIER
AND ENTIRE BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN ATTENDANCE. IT'S A
TOUGH PROBLEM "STONY" CAN'T SOLVE IF THERE'S MONEY
BEHIND IT
THE ARCH OF CONSTANTINE, ROME--ONE OF THE FINEST
EXTANT. THE EMPEROR THOUGHT IT ALL OUT AND
PLANNED IT TO ASTONISH POSTERITY, AND INCIDENTALLY
TO RECORD HIS OWN GREATNESS
THE FORUM, ROME'S GREATEST HISTORICAL CLUB, WHERE
EVERY MAN HAD A HEARING IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO SAY.
SOME GREAT THINGS WERE SAID THERE AND THOUGHTS
COINED WHICH ARE PASSING CURRENT AS OUR OWN
TO-DAY
THE BATHS OF CARACALLA, ROME, WHERE THE ROMANS

HAD THE BEST TIMES OF THEIR LIVES AND WERE ALWAYS
IN THE PICTURE WHILE IT LASTED

A FANTASY OF MEDITERRANEAN TRAVEL
A DREAM OF ANTICIPATION
(The spirit of the cruise)
The King of Cork was a funny ship As ever ploughed the maine: She
kep' no log, she went whar she liked; So her Cap'n warn't to blaime.
The Management was funnier still. We always thought it dandy-- Till it
wrecked us on the Golden Horn, When we meant to land at Kandy.
The Cap'n ran the boat ashore In aerated waters; The Purser died by
swallowin' gas, Thus windin' up these matters.
L'Envoi
Fate's relentless finger, Points to the Purser's doom: He gulped the
seltzer quickly-- Then bust with an air-tight boom!
Taking my cue from this short, spasmodic dream I had one evening in a
steamer chair, of what I imagined was to happen on our coming voyage,
I started to scribble; and following the fantastic idea in the vision, I
shall adopt the abbreviated name of The Cork, for our good
ship--although some of the passengers preferred to call her The Corker,
as she was big and fine, and justly celebrated among those who go
down to the sea in fear and trembling. The fame of this ship and her
captain spread so far and wide that a worthy band of male and female
pilgrims besought him to take them to foreign parts, for a
consideration.
There was great ado at starting, and when we finally steamed out of
New York harbor past the "Goddess of Liberty" one fine morning, the
air was rent with the screeching of steam sirens and the tooting of

whistles. The "Goddess" stood calm and silent on her pedestal; she
looked virtuous (which was natural to her, being made of metal), but
her stoic indifference was somewhat upset by an icy stalactite that hung
from her classic nose. One of the passengers remarked that Bartholdi
ought to have supplied her with a handkerchief, but this suggestion was
considered flippant by his Philistine audience, and it made no
impression whatever.
The list of passengers stood at seven hundred, and an extensive
programme of entertainments was promoted for their amusement,
consisting of balls, lectures, glees, games of bridge whist and
progressive euchre, concerts, readings, and a bewildering schedule of
functions, too numerous to mention; in fact, it was a case of three rings
under one tent and a dozen side shows.
The passenger list comprised many examples of eccentric characters,
rarely found outside of the pages of Dickens; the majority, however,
were very interesting and refined people, and the exceptional types only
served to accentuate the desirability and variety of their companionship
on a voyage of this character. Here is a description of some of them,
exaggerated perhaps in places, but not far from the facts when the
peculiar conditions surrounding them are fully considered. Many of
them were doing their best to attract attention in a harmless way, and in
most cases they succeeded, as there is really nothing so immaterial that
it escapes all notice from our fellows.
For instance, there was a human skyscraper, a giant, who had an
immense pyramid of tousled hair--a Matterhorn of curls and
pomatum--who gloried in its possession and scorned to wear hat,
bonnet or cap. When it rained he went out to enjoy a good wetting, and
came back a dripping bear. The sight made those of us who had but
little hair atop our pates green with envy, as all we could now hope for
was not hair but that the shellac finish on our polls might be dull and
not shiny. This man also sat or stood in the sun by the hour to acquire
that brick-red tan that is "quite English, you know;" and he got it, but