A Dogs Tale | Page 4

for such; she liked to say them, and
see other dogs look surprised and envious, as wondering how she got
so much education. But, indeed, it was not real education; it was only
show: she got the words by listening in the dining-room and
drawing-room when there was company, and by going with the
children to Sunday-school and listening there; and whenever she heard
a large word she said it over to herself many times, and so was able to
keep it until there was a dogmatic gathering in the neighborhood, then
she would get it off, and surprise and distress them all, from pocket-pup
to mastiff, which rewarded her for all her trouble. If there was a
stranger he was nearly sure to be suspicious, and when he got his breath
again he would ask her what it meant. And she always told him. He
was never expecting this but thought he would catch her; so when she
told him, he was the one that looked ashamed, whereas he had thought
it was going to be she. The others were always waiting for this, and
glad of it and proud of her, for they knew what was going to happen,
because they had had experience. When she told the meaning of a big
word they were all so taken up with admiration that it never occurred to
any dog to doubt if it was the right one; and that was natural, because,
for one thing, she answered up so promptly that it seemed like a
dictionary speaking, and for another thing, where could they find out
whether it was right or not? for she was the only cultivated dog there
was. By and by, when I was older, she brought home the word
Unintellectual, one time, and worked it pretty hard all the week at
different gatherings, making much unhappiness and despondency; and
it was at this time that I noticed that during that week she was asked for
the meaning at eight different assemblages, and flashed out a fresh
definition every time, which showed me that she had more presence of

mind than culture, though I said nothing, of course. She had one word
which she always kept on hand, and ready, like a life-preserver, a kind
of emergency word to strap on when she was likely to get washed
overboard in a sudden way--that was the word Synonymous. When she
happened to fetch out a long word which had had its day weeks before
and its prepared meanings gone to her dump-pile, if there was a
stranger there of course it knocked him groggy for a couple of minutes,
then he would come to, and by that time she would be away down wind
on another tack, and not expecting anything; so when he'd hail and ask
her to cash in, I (the only dog on the inside of her game) could see her
canvas flicker a moment--but only just a moment--then it would belly
out taut and full, and she would say, as calm as a summer's day, "It's
synonymous with supererogation," or some godless long reptile of a
word like that, and go placidly about and skim away on the next tack,
perfectly comfortable, you know, and leave that stranger looking
profane and embarrassed, and the initiated slatting the floor with their
tails in unison and their faces transfigured with a holy joy.
And it was the same with phrases. She would drag home a whole
phrase, if it had a grand sound, and play it six nights and two matinees,
and explain it a new way every time--which she had to, for all she cared
for was the phrase; she wasn't interested in what it meant, and knew
those dogs hadn't wit enough to catch her, anyway. Yes, she was a
daisy! She got so she wasn't afraid of anything, she had such
confidence in the ignorance of those creatures. She even brought
anecdotes that she had heard the family and the dinner-guests laugh and
shout over; and as a rule she got the nub of one chestnut hitched onto
another chestnut, where, of course, it didn't fit and hadn't any point; and
when she delivered the nub she fell over and rolled on the floor and
laughed and barked in the most insane way, while I could see that she
was wondering to herself why it didn't seem as funny as it did when she
first heard it. But no harm was done; the others rolled and barked too,
privately ashamed of themselves for not seeing the point, and never
suspecting that the fault was not with them and there wasn't any to see.
You can see by these things that she was of a rather vain and frivolous
character; still, she had virtues,