A Day of Fate | Page 6

that there

was sex in mind as truly as in the material form. Now I was inclined to
act as if my doctrine were true, and to seek to double my power by
winning the supplemental strength and grace of a woman's soul.
Indeed, my day-dream was becoming exceedingly thrifty in its
character, and I assured ambition that the companionship of such a
woman as yonder maiden must be might become the very corner-stone
of success.
Time passed, and still no one was "moved." Was my presence the cause
of the spiritual paralysis? I think not, for I was becoming conscious of
reverent feeling and deeper motives. If the fair face was my Gospel
message, it was already leading me beyond the thoughts of success and
ambition, of mental power and artistic grace. Her womanly beauty
began to awaken my moral nature, and her pure face, that looked as
free from guile as any daisy with its eye turned to the sun, led me to ask,
"What right have you to approach such a creature? Think of her needs,
of her being first, and not your own. Would you drag her into the
turmoil of your world because she would be a solace? Would you
disturb the maidenly serenity of that brow with knowledge of evil and
misery, the nightly record of which you have collated so long that you
are callous? You, whose business it is to look behind the scenes of life,
will you disenchant her also? It is your duty to unmask hypocrisy, and
to drag hidden evil to light, but will you teach her to suspect and
distrust? Should you not yourself become a better, truer, purer man
before you look into the clear depths of her blue eyes? Beware, lest
thoughtlessly or selfishly you sully their limpid truth."
"If she could be God's evangel to me, I might indeed be a better man," I
murmured.
"That is ever the way," suggested Conscience; "there is always an 'if' in
the path of duty; and you make your change for the better depend on
the remote possibility that yonder maiden will ever look on you as
other than a casual stranger that caused a slight disturbance in the
wonted placidity of their meeting hour."
"Hush," I answered Conscience, imperiously; "since the old Friend lady

will not preach, I shall endure none of your homilies. I yield myself to
the influences of this day, and during this hour no curb shall be put on
fancy. In my soul I know that I would be a better man if she is what she
seems, and could be to me all that I have dreamed; and were I tenfold
worse than I am, she would be the better for making me better. Did not
Divine purity come the closest to sinful humanity? I shall approach this
maiden in fancy, and may seek her in reality, but it shall be with a
respect so sincere and an homage so true as to rob my thoughts and
quest of bold irreverence or of mere selfishness. Suppose I am seeking
my own good, my own salvation it may be, I am not seeking to wrong
her. Are not heaven's best gifts best won by giving all for them? I
would lay my manhood at her feet. I do not expect to earn her or buy
her, giving a quid pro quo. A woman's love is like the grace of
heaven--a royal gift; and the spirit of the suitor is more regarded than
his desert. Moreover, I do not propose to soil her life with the evil
world that I must daily brush against, but through her influence to do a
little toward purifying that world. Since this is but a dream, I shall
dream it out to suit me.
"That stalwart and elderly Friend who led me to this choice point of
observation is her father. The plump and motherly matron on the high
seat, whose face alone is a remedy for care and worry, is her mother.
They will invite me home with them when meeting is over. Already I
see the tree-embowered farmhouse, with its low, wide veranda, and
old- fashioned roses climbing the lattice-work. In such a fragrant nook,
or perhaps in the orchard back of the house, I shall explore the
wonderland of this maiden's mind and heart. Beyond the innate reserve
of an unsophisticated womanly nature there will be little reticence, and
her thoughts will flow with the clearness and unpremeditation of the
brook that I crossed on my way here. What a change they will be from
the world's blotted page that I have read too exclusively of late!
"Perhaps it will appear to her that I have become smirched by these
pages, and that my character has the