A Counter-Blaste to Tobacco | Page 7

hauing by this continuall vile custome brought yourselues to this shameful imbecilitie, that you are not able to ride or walke the journey of a Jewes Sabboth, but you must haue a reekie cole brought you from the next poore house to kindle your Tobacco with? where as he cannot be thought able for any seruice in the warres, that cannot endure oftentimes the want of meate, drinke, and sleepe, much more then must hee endure the want of Tobacco. In the times of the many glorious and victorious battailes fought by this nation, there was no word of Tobacco. But now if it were time of warres, and that you were to make some sudden _Caualcado_[H] vpon your enemies, if any of you should seeke leisure to stay behinde his fellowe for taking of Tobacco, for my part I should neuer bee sorie for any euill chance that might befall him.[I] To take a custome in any thing that bee left againe, is most harmefull to the people of any land. Mollicies and delicacie were the wracke and ouerthrow, first of the Persian, and next of the Romane Empire. And this very custome of taking Tobacco (whereof our present purpose is), is euen at this day accounted so effeminate among the Indians themselues, as in the market they will offer no price for a slaue to be sold, whome they finde to be a great Tobacco taker.
Now how you are by this custome disabled in your goods, let the gentry of this land beare witnesse, some of them bestowing three, some foure hundred pounds a yeere[J] vpon this precious stinke, which I am sure might be bestowed vpon many farre better vses. I read indeede of a knauish Courtier, who for abusing the fauour of the Emperour Alexander Seuerus his master by taking bribes to intercede, for sundry persons in his master's eare (for whom he neuer once opened his mouth) was iustly choked with smoke, with this doome, _Fumo pereat, qui fumum vendidit_: but of so many smoke-buyers, as are at this present in this kingdome, I neuer read nor heard.
And for the vanities committed in this filthie custome, is it not both great vanitie and vncleanenesse, that at the table, a place of respect, of cleanlinesse, of modestie, men should not be ashamed, to sit tossing of Tobacco pipes, and puffing of the smoke of Tobacco one to another, making the filthie smoke and stinke thereof, to exhale athwart the dishes, and infect the aire, when very often, men that abhorre it are at their repast? Surely Smoke becomes a kitchin far better then a Dining chamber, and yet it makes a kitchen also oftentimes in the inward parts of men, soiling and infecting them, with an vnctuous and oily kinde of Soote, as hath bene found in some great Tobacco takers, that after their death were opened. And not onely meate time, but no other time nor action is exempted from the publicke vse of this vnciuill tricke: so as if the wiues of Diepe list to contest with this nation for good maners their worst maners would in all reason be found at least not so dishonest (as ours are) in this point. The publike vse whereof, at all times, and in all places, hath now so farre preuailed, as diuers men very sound both in iudgement, and complexion, haue bene at last forced to take it also without desire, partly because they were ashamed to seeme singular (like the two Philosophers that were forced to duck themselues in that raine water, and so become fooles as well as the rest of the people) and partly, to be as one that was content to eate Garlicke (which he did not loue) that he might not be troubled with the smell of it, in the breath of his fellowes. And is it not a great vanitie, that a man cannot heartily welcome his friend now, but straight they must bee in hand with _Tobacco_? No it is become in place of a cure, a point of good fellowship, and he that will refuse to take a pipe of Tobacco among his fellowes, (though by his own election he would rather feele the sauour of a Sinke[K]) is accounted peeuish and no good company, euen as they doe with tippeling in the cold Easterne Countries. Yea the Mistresse cannot in a more manerly kinde, entertaine her seruant, then by giuing him out of her faire hand a pipe of Tobacco. But herein is not onely a great vanitie, but a great contempt of God's good giftes, that the sweetenesse of mans breath, being a good gift of God, should be willfully corrupted by this stinking smoke, wherein I must confesse, it hath too strong a vertue: and