A Counter-Blaste to Tobacco | Page 7

all, that you the people of all
sortes of this Kingdome, who are created and ordeined by God to
bestowe both your persons and goods for the maintenance both of the
honour and safetie of your King and Commonwealth, should disable
yourselves in both? In your persons hauing by this continuall vile
custome brought yourselues to this shameful imbecilitie, that you are
not able to ride or walke the journey of a Jewes Sabboth, but you must
haue a reekie cole brought you from the next poore house to kindle
your Tobacco with? where as he cannot be thought able for any seruice
in the warres, that cannot endure oftentimes the want of meate, drinke,
and sleepe, much more then must hee endure the want of Tobacco. In
the times of the many glorious and victorious battailes fought by this
nation, there was no word of Tobacco. But now if it were time of
warres, and that you were to make some sudden _Caualcado_[H] vpon
your enemies, if any of you should seeke leisure to stay behinde his
fellowe for taking of Tobacco, for my part I should neuer bee sorie for
any euill chance that might befall him.[I] To take a custome in any
thing that bee left againe, is most harmefull to the people of any land.
Mollicies and delicacie were the wracke and ouerthrow, first of the
Persian, and next of the Romane Empire. And this very custome of
taking Tobacco (whereof our present purpose is), is euen at this day
accounted so effeminate among the Indians themselues, as in the
market they will offer no price for a slaue to be sold, whome they finde
to be a great Tobacco taker.
Now how you are by this custome disabled in your goods, let the gentry
of this land beare witnesse, some of them bestowing three, some foure
hundred pounds a yeere[J] vpon this precious stinke, which I am sure
might be bestowed vpon many farre better vses. I read indeede of a
knauish Courtier, who for abusing the fauour of the Emperour
Alexander Seuerus his master by taking bribes to intercede, for sundry
persons in his master's eare (for whom he neuer once opened his mouth)
was iustly choked with smoke, with this doome, _Fumo pereat, qui
fumum vendidit_: but of so many smoke-buyers, as are at this present

in this kingdome, I neuer read nor heard.
And for the vanities committed in this filthie custome, is it not both
great vanitie and vncleanenesse, that at the table, a place of respect, of
cleanlinesse, of modestie, men should not be ashamed, to sit tossing of
Tobacco pipes, and puffing of the smoke of Tobacco one to another,
making the filthie smoke and stinke thereof, to exhale athwart the
dishes, and infect the aire, when very often, men that abhorre it are at
their repast? Surely Smoke becomes a kitchin far better then a Dining
chamber, and yet it makes a kitchen also oftentimes in the inward parts
of men, soiling and infecting them, with an vnctuous and oily kinde of
Soote, as hath bene found in some great Tobacco takers, that after their
death were opened. And not onely meate time, but no other time nor
action is exempted from the publicke vse of this vnciuill tricke: so as if
the wiues of Diepe list to contest with this nation for good maners their
worst maners would in all reason be found at least not so dishonest (as
ours are) in this point. The publike vse whereof, at all times, and in all
places, hath now so farre preuailed, as diuers men very sound both in
iudgement, and complexion, haue bene at last forced to take it also
without desire, partly because they were ashamed to seeme singular
(like the two Philosophers that were forced to duck themselues in that
raine water, and so become fooles as well as the rest of the people) and
partly, to be as one that was content to eate Garlicke (which he did not
loue) that he might not be troubled with the smell of it, in the breath of
his fellowes. And is it not a great vanitie, that a man cannot heartily
welcome his friend now, but straight they must bee in hand with
_Tobacco_? No it is become in place of a cure, a point of good
fellowship, and he that will refuse to take a pipe of Tobacco among his
fellowes, (though by his own election he would rather feele the sauour
of a Sinke[K]) is accounted peeuish and no good company, euen as
they doe with tippeling in the cold Easterne Countries. Yea the
Mistresse cannot in a more manerly kinde, entertaine her seruant, then
by giuing him out of her faire hand a pipe of