A Collection of Old English Plays, Vol. III | Page 4

mortall Knight; then hath he another pretty phrase too, and that is, he will "tickle the vanity ant" still in everything; and this is your Summa totalis of both their virtues.
Ia. Tis enough, tis enough, as long as they have land enough, but now muster your third person afore us I beseech you.
Bul. The third person and second Knight, blunt Sir _Cutt Rudesby_, is indeed blunt at a sharpe wit, and sharpe at a blunt wit; a good bustling Gallant, talkes well at Rovers; he is two parts souldier; as slovenlie as a Switzer, and somewhat like one in face too; for he weares a bush beard, will dead a Cannan shot better then a wool-packe: he will come into the presence like yor Frenchman in foule bootes, and dares eat Garlike as a preparative to his Courtship. You shall know more of him hereafter; but, good wags, let me winne you now for the Geographicall parts of your Ladies in requitall.
Will. That you shall Sir, and the Hydrographicall too and you will; first my Lady the widowe, and Countes _Eugenia_, is in earnest, a most worthy Lady, and indeede can doe more than a thousand other Ladies can doe I can tell you.
Bul. What's that I pray thee?
Ia. Mary Sir, he meanes she can doe more than sleepe, and eate, and drinke; and play at noddy[3], and helpe to make hir selfe ready[4].
Bul. Can she so?
Will. She is the best scholler of any woman but one[5] in England; she is wise and vertuous.
Ia. Nay she has one strange quality for a woman besides, tho these be strange enough that he has rekoned.
Bul. For Gods sake whats that?
Ia. She can love reasonable constantly, for she loved her husband only, almost a whole yeere together.
Bul. Thats strange indeed, but what is your faire Lady Sir?
Ia. My Lady Sir, the Lady _Hippolita_--
Will. That is as chast as ever was Hippolitus.
Ia. (True, my prety _Parenthesis_) is halfe a maid, halfe a wife, and halfe a widdow.
Bul. Strange tale to tell; how canst thou make this good, my good Assumpsit.
Ia. Thus Sir: she was betroathed to a gallant young gentleman that loude hir with such passion, and admiration that he never thought he could be so blessed as to enjoy her in full marriage, till the minister was marrying them; and even then when he was saying I Charles take thee Hippolita with extreame joy, he began to looke pale, then going forwards saying, to my wedded wife, he lookt paler, and, then pronouncing, for richer for poorer as long as we both shall live, he lookt extreame pale. Now, sir, when she comes to speake her parte, and said, I Hippolyta take thee _Charles_, he began to faint for joy, then saying to my wedded husband, he began to sinke, but then going forth too, for better for worse, he could stand no longer, but with very conceit, it seemd, that she whom he tendred as the best of all things, should pronounce the worst, and for his sake too, he suncke down right, and died sodenly: And thus being halfe married, and her halfe husband wholy dead, I hope I may with discretion affirme her, halfe a maide, halfe a wife, and halfe a widdowe: do ye conceive me Sir?
Bul. O Lord Sir, I devoure you quicke; and now Sir I beseech you open unto me your tother Lady, what is shee?
Will. Ile answere for her, because I know her Ladiship to be a perfect maide indeed.
Bul. How canst thou know that?
Will. Passing perfectly I warrant ye.
Ia. By measuring her necke twice, and trying if it will come about hir forehead, and slip over her nose?
Will. No Sir no, by a rule that will not slip so I warrant you, which for her honours sake I will let slip unto you. Gods so _Iack_, I thinke they have supt.
Ia. Bir Lady we have waited well the while.
Will. Well though they have lost their attendance, let not us lose our supper, Iack.
Ia. I doe not meane it; come Sir you shall goe in, and drinke with us yfaith.
Bul. _Pardonne moy, mounsieur_.
both. No pardoning in truth Sir.
_Bul. Ie vous remercie de bon Ceur_.
[Exeunt.

SCAENA 2.
_Enter Goosecappe, Rudesby, Fouleweather, Eugenia, Hippol., Penelope, Wynne_.
Rud. A plague on you, sweet Ladies, tis not so late; what needed you to have made so short a supper?
Goos. In truth Sir Cutt. we might have tickled the vanity ant an howre longer, if my watch be trustible.
Foul. I but how should theis beauties know that Sir _Gyles_? your watch is mortall, and may erre.
Go. Thats sooth Captaine, but doe you heare honest friend, pray take a light, and see if the moone shine, I have a Sunne Diall will resolue presently.
Fo. Howsoever beleeve it, Ladies, tis unwholesome, uncourtly, unpleasant to eate