A Christmas Story | Page 4

bread, butter, cold meat and ale; and slid out of the room, crunching her way down stairs. I peeped at my sister--she looked pale and very anxiously perplexed, I pinched myself and kept silent. In a few minutes a voice was heard singing up the back stairs and--enter Sabina spread out with starch and heavily pomaded hair. 'Mrs. Phillips sent me to tell you marm that she had to make her gruel and the fire was low--and that Thomas had gone home.'
'Why, what time is it, Sabina?'
'Eight o'clock,' I enunciate distinctly. For one moment Mary's eyes lit up with something like heroism, but before she could frame a sentence, the playful want of interest exhibited by Sabina, who leaned against the mantel-piece, straightening her cuffs, did the business, and she collapsed.
'Please tell Thomas, when he comes to-morrow, Sabina, I would rather not have him go home quite as early, because you see,' (oh how I mentally groaned at this humiliating nonsense,) 'I might want him. You won't forget, will you, Sabina?'
'No, marm. Is there anything else?' Having now made herself prim, and taken a quiet survey of the library and viewed me carefully, she was now desirous of retiring.
'One moment, Sabina,' said Mary, beginning to realize her false position before me, 'Who is down stairs?'
'Well, I couldn't tell you, marm.'
'Why not?'
'There are so many.'
'How, do you mean so many?'
'Why, marm, it's the cook's birthday; and she thought you would'nt mind her having a few friends, so she invited her cousins,' (looking at me as though she would ask, 'what have you got to say to that, Mr. Man?')
'Well, Sabina,' said Mary, coloring up in confusion, 'just sign your name to this--it is only as a witness.'
'I cannot write, marm,' answered dandy Amazon, very short at being exposed.
'Then send Elizabeth here.'
'She is out too, marm.'
'What? Elizabeth has gone out?'
'Yes marm, you see,' (becoming confidential,) 'the cook and her has quarrelled like--she neglected to ask her to her little party till late this evening, and so she got huffy and put on her things and dashed out of the house,' (at this time I had either an attack of the ague or was laughing so hard internally that it leaked through.)
'Is Dinah in?'
'Yes marm.'
'Ask her, please, to come here.'
Sabina tripped off with a satisfied air, and five--ten--fifteen minutes elapsed and no Ellen. I took out my memorandum and quickly wrote down a few valuable plans on the coming campaign. The clock struck half past eight, and my sister opened the entry door and listened--the kitchen door soon shut and somebody came up stairs slowly, with a waiter full of something.
'Is that you, Dinah?'
'Yes marm.'
'Why didn't you come before?'
'I don't know, mum.'
'Didn't Sabina tell you I wanted you?'
'No, mum. She told me you wanted to know how many were down stairs, and I counted seventeen.'
'Take care Dinah, you're spilling that milk!'
'I can't help it, this pitcher leaks.'
'Where's the children's bowl?'
'I don't know, mum--I think it's broke.'
'Broken! Why, I bought a new one yesterday.'
''Tain't my fault.'
Hopelessly resigned, my sister Mary politely requested her to put down the waiter, and explained the nature of a witness's duty. We acknowledged our signatures and Dinah wrote out her name in a neat hand, then picked up the waiter and walked out of the room with the air of an injured innocent.
I jumped up, kissed my sister, informed her that for the next three months she was to be a passive observer, asked her to retire, locked up the contract, and gave the bell one pull that brought half the household to the door.


PART II.
A MAN'S PLAN.
As the servants rushed into the library they found me quietly reading a book and puffing at the pages. I slightly raised my eyes to this back ground of faces on which might be seen, surprise, anger, impertinence, curiosity and excitement. I slowly placed my book half open across my knee, with my hand resting on the cover, and with the other taking my segar out of my mouth, knocked the ashes off into a little glass tub; elevated my eyebrows and asked in perfect astonishment, yet measured tones:
'What-is-the-matter?'
'That's what we want to know sir;' exclaimed the cook, a little let down by my coolness.
'Nothing that I know of,' I replied, except that I took the liberty of ringing my bell,' increasing in volume as I spoke.
'We thought some one was sick, sir,' said Sabina.
'I don't want to know what you thought,' I rolled out in emphatic base, 'I want the WAITER! which is it?'--That neuter cut them to the heart.
But they rallied--a revolt was imminent, I had lived in the family one year, with my sister as housekeeper, and had never made a remark to the servants, it being my habit in life to submit to what was not my business,